'don't give a fuck' attitude. / tyler joseph | ✓

fourteen.

I woke up, fuck, I woke up. The instant my eyes open, I was filled with dread. Instant dread. Tears coming to my eyes and balling my fists up by my hips. I looked around the room. Not my room, obviously. I was in the hospital. I just downed close to twenty sleeping pills. I would be dead if I wasn't here. Even though that is the choice that i'd rather have. The tears on my cheeks stayed there. I didn't have the energy to even reach my arm up and wipe them away. And the IVs in my arm roped me to the bed. Something they probably shouldn't have been doing. Tyler walked in the room suddenly. Tear-stained cheeks and a bag of chips in his shaky hands. He looked over at me, his eyes going wide once he saw my eyes connecting with his.

"Oh, my god," he whispered, running to the bed and wrapping his arms around me in a big hug. Somehow weaving his arms through all the tubes and such hanging from the bed and I. He looked at my face like it was our first time seeing each other in years. "You're okay," he said in a grateful tone. I nodded, not really knowing what to say, and what would come out of my mouth. I didn't even know if I should make eye contact with him. Everything felt so foreign and different.

"Hi." Is all I said, trying my best to give him at least a half decent smile, and it failed. Coming out as some kind of half-ass smirk.

"How do you feel?" He asked, his tone of voice small and fragile. I shrugged. Nasty thoughts of my own playing in my head. I actually agreed with them. I wish it worked this time.

"I feel like I should've died," I said, looking away from him. His expression turned sad and he looked down into his own lap.

"Why do you say that?" He asked quietly. Not looking up from his lap.

"Because my life isn't worth living and I wanted to end it," I said, my voice cold. "You should have let me," I added, looking over at him and meeting his gaze.

"How could I let you, Quinn?" He asked, his expression turning cold, too. He paused for a long while, tears gathering in his eyes while he just flickered his eyes between mine. "I love you, don't you get that?"

Those words hit me like a door. I looked away from him, shutting my eyes and letting out a long awaited sigh. I bit my lip as tears came in my eyes.

"But I don't want to live. I wish you wouldn't have saved me," I said, sniffling and swallowing the lump that had formed in my throat. I had missed the feel of the gravel pressed against my back. The cold cement edge. I wanted it all back. And maybe this time I would've jumped, to finish the job.

"You're so amazing, i'm so glad that I saved you. I wish you felt the same," he said.

"Well, I don't."

I was being so bitter with him. He didn't need that at all. He's went through enough because of me. Now I was just keeping a short temper and a smart mouth with him. And that's the last thing he needs right now. After he just had to save me from committing suicide. I should be thanking him. But the thing is, i'm not. Because I didn't want to be saved. I would be so much better off if I was dead right now. Regardless what happens after you die.

"Quinn," he whispered, looking down at his lap. "You were so close to being put on suicide watch. They were going to put you in an asylum."

I shrugged. Quirking the side of my mouth up and biting the inside of my cheek as a tear rolled down my cheek. He sighed, getting up from his chair and sitting in the nearest chair.

"If only you cared as much as I did," he said.

"I wish I did, too," I replied. I reached my hand up, wiping my face. The paper bracelets on my wrist gave me some color to the colorless hospital.

"So, why don't you?" He asked, his voice begging and filled with shattered pieces of himself that I broke.

"I don't know. I guess they just don't let me," I said, looking up at him. He lifted up his hand, wiping my face. He leaned forward, pressing his lips to mine and cupping my face with his hands. His lips were soft and warm against my cold ones. He pulled back and pulled me into a big hug, wrapping his arms around me. Protecting me from everything.

"I love you, too," I said. And he smiled. The biggest one I've seen that day.

***

Ello! Go read my other twenty one pilots fic called Dying Days on my account! Thanks for reading!