Reckless • kenneth san jose

15: Backfire

The number of reads are awesome! Thank you so much. x

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Jodi

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"Today, Valentina Hidalgo will be joining our class today. So, welcome, Valentina." Matt smiled.

The other girls approached her as Bailey, Tati, Boogie, Tahani and Jordyn stayed with me.

"Are you Kenneth's best friend?" Kaycee asked.

"Uhm, yeah." She giggled.

Bailey was planning on getting Valentina's attention just to know something. So they started teasing me.

"The way Kenneth looked at you? Oh my gosh." Tahani acted.

"I bet he looked at you intently while you danced." Boogie tried going with the flow.

"You and Kenneth will be really cute for each other, I swear!" Jordyn shrieked.

I just smiled.

"Oh, Kenneth and I are really good friends." I explained 'cause they keep on teasing me about Kenneth since they found a photo of me and him when we're about 7.

"Don't push it guys, Jodi may be mad if you keep teasing her." Valentina reacted.

"That's okay, I'm sure Jodi knows how to handle." Bailey told her. "Right Jods." I just smirked.

Valentina starts to get into my nerves but I won't show or put up a grudge against her. She's not worth time wasting.

During the turn of our group to dance, Valentina just kept on stepping forward and doing extreme freestyle. I mean, 7/11 is a chill one. So why bother?

And all the time she has, she always sits and talks with Ken.

Even if Ken is with the other guys, she interrupts. Manners, bruh.

Matt announced that we'll be shooting his new YouTube video to upload in Warehouse District. So everyone got all on there ways to get there and as for me, I will be using my car.

Valentina just looked at me and asked Kenneth.

"Ken, do you wanna go with me in Matt's van?" She asked him.

"Uhm, I'm cool." He simply stated.

I just listened at there conversation. And gosh, Valentina's a clingy ass best friend.

Kenneth walked his way to the passenger's seat and I just raised my brow.

"C'mon, Joanna. I wanna get everything done now." Kenneth called me, coldly.

I just gave Valentina a glare telling her that he'll still be with me on a ride every start and at the end of the day.

On the ride there, I looked at him and he's asleep.

I examined his face for a while.

Then I remembered everything since that day I decided to hate him. I remember being so sure that he would be the guy I'd marry when I grew up. I loved him before and as much as I wanted to hide it.... I still do.

I hate him, but the truth is I love him. I love him so much. I didn't stop loving him. I didn't stop caring for him all along. I just stopped showing it and letting him feel it.

For the past few years, I denied and lied. I denied that I care for him. And I denied that I love him.

I didn't realize that my tears are falling.

"I was so selfish. Ken, I love you. Always did, always will." I whispered.

I looked at that picture and smiled.

"Don't act as if you really cared at all." Someone spoke.

I looked at my side and it was Kenneth looking straight.

"You're just like that 'cause Valentina's there for me." He said and got out of my car. "I'm sorry I ever dragged you into my twisted world, and messed up life. I just thought you might be the one to pull me out of it." He got out and left me sitting there.

I froze. 'Cause his words really hit me. I didn't know I was crying just when Bailey called me to get inside for the dance. I quickly wiped my tears and fixed myself.

On our way in, Tati patted my back.

"Don't worry Jods, everything will be alright." Tati told me.

"What?" I asked.

"Relax, everybody knows that. The two of you are just the one who's minds are messed up." Bailey told me.

"What do you mean everybody knows?" I was completely dumbfounded.

"Girl, too much denial is an affirmation. All of us knows you love him. It just took you so long to know that yourself. And the more you hate, the more you love. That's hella true." Tati's just so smart.

"So, do you have any plans to tell him?" Bailey asked.

"No." I replied.

"Why not?" She asked again.

"Because he's okay. He's better without me." I simply stated.

"Do you really think he is?" Tati asked me.

"Yeah, he's the one who's avoiding me now." I said.

"You know, you're just wounded, not broken. It's time for you to make him happy and make yourself happy too. You already told us that you'd risk it." Bailey said.

"Nah. That would not go anywhere." I said.

"WOULD NOT GO ANYWHERE?" Bailey asked loudly.

"I think he's slowly learning how to let me go. I hurt him so much. Don't you know, he's been avoiding me for so many days already. He's even not bothering to show show me that he cares now." I explained.

"It's too early to give up now. That's not the Joanna Diane I knew!" I just smiled at Tati's statement.

Almighty, guide me to whatever I will do. Through your will, please make everything okay soon.

I hope Kenneth still left a space for me in his heart. Even just a little. 

This was all my fault and I know that. I'm the one who did all of this and now struggling to make everything settled and fine. 

"Please don't give up, Kenneth. I finally knew. Just a little more." I noted myself.

After the dance with the girls, everyone hanged-out and chilled for a while just outside and most are having fun. The guys are all settled on one corner and they're all throwing banters at each other.

They're kinda loud so I can't help but eavesdrop.

"How 'bout you Kenneth? Planning on getting into relationship?" Sean asked.

"No. Why?" He asked.

"You're hot and many girls are after you." Will explained.

"That's it?" Kenneth asked.

"Err. You and Val?" Josh asked.

"We're just best friends. That's all." He explained.

"Don't rush our Kenny here. He's waiting for someone." Gabe wiggled his eyebrows. "Right Ken?" Ken just shook his head no.

"I don't go after people anymore. I learned that I'm here, I have a life, and I'm important. I'm not going to chase people to prove I matter." He told everyone. "I don't care about losing people who don't wanna be in my life anymore. I lost a person who meant the world to me and I'm still alive." He looked at me for a second then smiled.

Fuck shit.

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I still can't dedicate. Ugh. This chapter's for Boo_Hello. :)