I Don't Even Know ❇ malum au

5

Is ^this^ like a weird obsession of mine or something?  Demon!Calum is SOSOSOSOSO fucking beautiful!!!

Dedication to @mgc_girl16 for ruining my life by introducing me to fanfiction.  Well, actually, fanfiction completed my life.

Blah...

So, that was the first day that I awoke with a hangover.

Thankfully it wasn't that bright outside, meaning that the sunlight didn't spill in through the windows and make my eyes melt out of my skull.

I had been thinking lately that maybe I should have started hiding my journal better.  It was mine and no one else's.  I didn't even know what I would have began to do if someone were to have discovered it.  It was my ticket to freedom.

Freedom from oneself was the greatest kind of freedom for all.

Or at least it was the greatest kind of freedom for me.

And I would gladly be damned if someone were to take away that chance.  I'd had my mother taken away without any knowledge of her, I'd had my father taken away by his work, I'd had my happiness taken away by insecurity, and I was about to also have Ashton taken away from me by his possibilities.

I climbed out of bed, surprised that I'd actually gotten myself back down the stairs with my blanket without tumbling and falling against the wooden floors that covered the home.  I was clumsy even without an influence.  The thought made me wonder how Ashton lived everyday being high.  He was a good guy, though.

Through the pain, the sadness, the weed, and the lack of money - Ash was still a good soul.

He was a flirt, yet he never did use women.  He also didn't care for the perfection of the world.  He looked for happiness, not appearances.  Hell, I didn't even know for sure as to whether or not he was completely straight.  I mean, he obviously liked boobs and all - but he was always such an amazing person who was open to new experiences and excepting of all things.

Yep, he was the typical hippie.

With each step up the hard stairs, the pounding in my head intensified.  Though, I knew for sure that I wasn't even about ready to pull another stunt like the previous night.  I wanted to save the aspirin for later, just in case if I were to want or need them again in a more important moment.  I knew that I was bound to break down again.

And I definitely knew for sure that I was going to break down soon.  This was because, I had discovered that my father hadn't made it home.  This left me with an unwanted realization that I was bound to reach all of the time.

I was unwanted and undesired.

Hell, even Ashton apparently didn't want to associate himself with me, lately.  I knew deep down that he was a good character and a loving one, too.  Though, with the way he wouldn't even bother to text me back, anymore - my uncontrollable thoughts and emotions just decided to take over.

I guessed that it was just the price that I had to pay for being me.

But a sudden idea popped into my aching head, me suddenly being filled with hope.  Maybe if I were to call the shaggy haired dude rather than texting him - he might just pick up.  It was worth a shot, honestly.  I was beginning to believe that I was out of hand and needed someone to talk to.

And who better to talk to than a bestfriend?

I searched nearly aimlessly through my home, angry with myself because I must had misplaced my cell phone.  We didn't even have a home phone, though I didn't specifically know why.  Even though we didn't really have a need for it, we did have plenty enough money to have one just in case.  Well, not we, but my father.  And he was just as good as gone to me, rarely showing his face.