I Don't Even Know ❇ malum au

24

^This^ will forever be my favorite picture with Mikey in it.  He's so precious.
#HowsThatNotRapey

"Focus on your GED, dude," I sighed with a laugh as I opened the door, welcoming the same guy that hadn't left me alone in what felt to be forever into my home.

Well, it didn't really feel like my home.  It was more of a hell hole that I only escaped when I entered another hell hole known as secondary school.

It was just my house - not my home.

"Yeah, yeah," he walked in and closed the door behind him.  "Is that my shirt?"  He was looking at the grey shirt that hung on me, the one that read 'Mama'.

"U-um, y-yeah.  I'm sorry, I-I'll give it back.  Y-you left it here one day, a-and, it makes me feel like I'm not s-so lonely.  B-but, I prob-probably stretched it out.  I-" he cut me off.

"Nah, just keep it, Mikey," he smiled a sweet smile that genuinely met his eyes.  "It looks good on you."

"Th-thanks," I blushed fiercely, my face feeling as though it were on fire.

That day, at first - I wasn't so nervous.  But, because of the tan boy named Calum, I soon became nervous.  It wasn't a bad kind of nervousness, though.

It was a good kind of nervousness.

And when the nervousness came, so did my stutter.  It wasn't something I could control.  I hated it, honestly.

"So, what'cha wanna do, today - you little kitten?"

"I-I gotta i-idea."

•••

We decided to go to the entertainment room.  We sat back for the longest time ever, just listening to random music.  But, even though the music was spread out amongst the genres, it was good.

"And I'm living off of grass, and the drippings from the sea, and it's okay to eat fish, cause they don't have any feet, and; something in the way, hmmm, something in the way, hmmm; something in the way," I stopped singing along once I realized just how loud I was and that Calum was staring at me.

"I - that sucked, d-didn't it?"  I looked down to my feet, feeling like shit.  I was having a great time - why did I have to ruin it by being stupid?

I knew that I couldn't sing worth shit.

I sounded like a dying walrus.

"No," he shook his head in what seemed to be awe.

Wait - why would he be in awe?

I sucked, and I knew it.

"That was amazing," he said, a smile appearing on his plump lips.  "It was almost as amazing as you."

"Th-thanks," I said and then took my bottom lip between my teeth.  My face was heating up, just as usual.

"You know, Mikey," he slightly inched closer to me, something different to the look in his eyes.  They weren't darkened, they weren't glossy, they were - I didn't know - they had a different kind of spark to the brown color, maybe?

It was kind of weird how I found myself lost in his eyes.

"You're so beautiful," he finished, licked his lips, and then bit his bottom lip.

"Why do you have to lie?"

"What?"

I didn't believe that I could be seen as beautiful.  Not me; maybe Calum, but not me.  I wasn't beautiful.  I was anything but beautiful or amazing.