Dear Friend,
Everything was amazing. And Calum - he is an amazing kisser.
But, once he left - I started to wonder.
I wonder, what would my mother be like? You know, if she was alive...
He had to help his mom. That's what triggered the curiosity.
I wanna know what she would be like.
So, I did another silly thing.
I took another one of my famed, burning showers. But this time, I just sat in the burning water. I sat there, and I let my skin feel as though it were sizzling until the hot water ran out.
The burn marks are worse than they've ever been. It feels like a severe sunburn.
It was hard to breath - really hard. I thought I was having an asthma attack, even though I don't even have asthma.
I finally made it to my room and passed out.
When I woke, I wanted to distract myself, Friend.
So, I texted Ash and told him that Cal and I kissed.
The distraction didn't work.
I'm sorry, Friend. I'm so fucking stupid. I hate myself for it.
I started to punch, scratch, and pinch at my legs, stomach, and arms. Now, not only do I have the marks from the shower - but from me as well. It's so painful. And I'm fucking covered. There is no possible way to hide them all.
I'm scared, Friend.
I don't know if I can see Calum again, now.
It's not that I don't want to - I just don't him to see what I've done to myself. He might not want me anymore.
Oh, God.
I'm sorry, Friend. I don't mean to fucking cry and get your pages wet.
Oh, God.
I don't want him to hate me!
I don't want him to think I'm a freak!
I'm so so so so scared, Friend.
Please help me.
~ Mikey
YOU ARE READING
I Don't Even Know ❇ malum au
FanfictionA story in which a hopeless boy acquires a strange reliance upon a little notebook. A notebook whom of which he trusts with his deepest, darkest, and most personal secrets. :)The Journal of Michael G. Clifford(: THIS IS MORE THAN JUST A STORY BASED...
