I Don't Even Know ❇ malum au

18

Demon!Calum

I asked Calum to stay over the night of the party.  I knew that it had a possibility of ending up weirdly, but I just didn't think that I could face the night alone.  I felt stressed out, and it was never a good idea for me to be alone when I was like that.

I had learned that much, already.

When I thought about it, it wasn't weird when he came onto me.  Yeah, it was awkward, only because I didn't expect.  But I'd always read books where the unexpected gay moments for a guy tended to disgust him at first.

But I was far from disgusted.  I was confused.  I didn't know what to think about it, honestly.  I figured that maybe Calum just felt pressured to make a move since we were locked in the room.

Because I sure as hell wasn't going to make a move.

Though, why would he?  He clearly had to be confused.  He wouldn't like me. I wasn't good enough to be liked.  It's not that I was okay with that, but I just knew it.  I didn't stand a chance.

Anyway, I liked boobs.

I didn't think I liked dick.

This was just another one of the many things to add to my unending list of confusing things.

That and my dad.  I knew he'd left.  I knew I most likely wouldn't be seeing him again.  But it didn't feel any different, not really.  He hadn't been home in what felt to be eternity, anyway.

It didn't make me understand - but it sort of granted me a sense of closure.

Everyone was bound to leave me; I just had to get used to it.

I was still sad, but just more so hopeless.  There wasn't anything left to fight for.  I felt officially defeated.

•••

"Hey, Mikey, can I take a quick shower?"

"Um, yeah."  I had started to notice that my stutter began to just come and go.  I guess it all just depended upon what my mood was.  I was nervous at the party, so that explained.  And I tended to be nervous around Calum, since I didn't know him as well as I knew Ashton.

But I was getting there.

The boy grabbed the pants I'd let him use not too long ago, taking off to get washed up.  It gave me time to think to myself, but it wasn't too much time.

I didn't have enough time to get so worked up that I'd break down.  I sat down on my bed, using the remote to put on some television.  When I thought about it, I hadn't really watched television in a while.

Maybe it could help me calm down.

"Stop being a pussy, Michael."

When the memory of my father's voice rung through my brain, I figured that maybe I should put on a better show.  Something that I knew would always relax me.

Spongebob.

Given, it wasn't on at the time.  So I mentally high-fived myself for having a season of it on DVD.  I got the whole thing set up, sighing contently as I had it started up.

Then I realized - I didn't want to sleep in jeans.  I huffed in annoyance, going to my closet to find my famous rainbow sleeping pants and a baggy shirt.

I pulled off my clothes, then reaching to grab the sleeping pants.  But as soon as I started to put just one leg into them, Calum walked in.

I froze.

I didn't mind for him to see me in my underwear, not so much until I realized that my shirt was off.  I knew that I had burn marks from my showering, and I knew that I had some scratches and bruises left over from the time I had a break down of sorts.