I Don't Even Know ❇ malum au

6

If ^this^ is true, which I highly believe it is - I am destined to die alone.  Bleh...

Also, Suicide Silence is an amazing band.  Well, was an amazing band.  iDK, like, Mitch Lucker passed away in 2012 if I'm not mistaken.

Dear Friend,

So, today - I am in yet another shitty mood.

Yet, I refuse to let myself cry.

I'm a big boy, I don't need to cry.  I probably just need sleep or something.

Also, why should I cry if I don't know what I'm gonna cry about, Friend?

I don't even know what is going on, you know?  I would imagine that it could just be the typical, teenage emotions and all, but shouldn't I just be used to that by now?

I just don't really even begin to know what to be thinking about my life right now, Friend...

It makes, like, no fucking sense at all.

Ever since I took those few drinks of that shit, I can't turn away.  I want it so, so, so bad!!!

And aspirin, don't even get me started on that magical shit.  Yeah, sure, I maybe thought that I was dying.  Though, I truly believe that it was worth it.  I slept like a baby.

You know, if you could see me, you would be really disappointed.

Because I'm really disappointed with myself.

I guess that I just broke the other day.

I've got a few burn marks from the piping hot water from the shower, along with some bruises and scratches from myself.

I guess that it was just too much for me to take, you know?

I basically attacked myself, and I definitely know that someone could easily see the evidence on my body.

Stupids marks.

I've got to tell Ashton.  Maybe I should, like, try to hide the marks and all - but I've got to talk to someone.

But he still hasn't picked up.

I need him to tell me that everything's gonna be alright.

I think I'll just try calling him again.

~Mikey