Mute.

[5] - denial

[5] - denial

you know the feeling of when your in a room full of people, but you feel so alone?

J.

justin. justin didn't really have love. he'd never knew what love felt like from a woman who wasn't his mother. he had always been surrounded by his mother's love. a love that would carry him through for the rest of his life. like a spider's web, justin would always be trapped in it.

pattie knew that someday, she would have to let go of her son and let him venture out on his own. explore. without her.
: :

justin left the library with a smile. the girl from earlier on his mind, the same way being mute stayed on his mind. like being mute, he didn't know how she worked. what she was like. he'd wonder if he'd ever see her again. did she want to see him, again?

justin thought about this all the way back home, where his mother would be cooking something delicious for him to eat after a day out of the house. something that was new to justin. being at home didn't bother justin like it bother other people his age.

being mute, justin felt that it limited what he could do. yeah, he could write everything down on a piece of paper, but justin thought that was obviously something that would not get him friends or a girlfriend. yes, he could give sign language a try, but not everyone knew it and wanted to learn it. so, what could he do, really to communicate with people.

after turning off the car, justin sat there thinking. why is my life such a fuck up? justin thought to himself, with the voice he wished he could use to voice his opinions. it felt as if he was trapped in a cage, like a bird. justin wanted to free himself, but how ? being twenty-one and still under his parents roof? not being able to communicate?

justin knew he was hopeless. just some guy who was a freak. a person no one wanted to associate with since birth. when justin was born, he didn't let out a single cry, he was crying, but you couldn't hear a thing except pattie's harsh breath and all the doctors in their uniforms scrambling around the room.

justin opened his car door, things swimming around his mind quickly. he was the type of person who stayed tucked into their mind, but he did notice a lot around him. justin had been a weird boy.

walking up the pathway to his house, justin was quite eager to see what his mother had for him today. seeing as going around the town was exhausting, plus seeing a girl he couldn't communicate with sit right across from him for two hours.

from outside the door, he couldn't hear anything. nothing frying in his mother's pans, nothing from his father, who only roam the kitchen, like a predator stalking it's prey, looking for a quick bite before going back to the basement to continue watching a sports channel.

if they weren't home, justin would probably go straight to his room, not even thinking twice about it. his father called him a mama's boy, because justin had always been the one to follow his dear mother around the house and assisting her with things.

upon getting into the house, justin didn't bother looking or searching for his parents, getting the vibe that they were gone for the cool afternoon. they were probably out at lunch or something, pattie finally getting the chance to pull away from her child and relax with her husband. the husband who helped give a mute child life.

justin was happy about that, wanting to not be a burden on her shoulders anymore. justin wanted pattie to enjoy her own life, as she was always determined to make justin's easier. justin had once wrote that life wasn't supposed to be easy on a piece of paper which he spilled to his mother one day.

and that was when pattie realized that justin was smarter than he looked. he observed more than the average person, which made justin special to pattie. and after that, pattie eased off of him, watching in amazement as he took care of himself and her.

pattie was blind to the fact that justin was growing up to be a man, mute or not, he was going to grow up and leave the nest. jeremy tried telling her this many times before. she didn't want to believe it; denial was building at wall in her.

denial had taken the driver's wheel in pattie's life when justin first came home very confused and upset. the day that the doctors had seen that the baby was infactly mute, they called pattie and her husband in to tell them.

pattie broke down right in the lobby, into jeremy's chest. her heart fell down into two, knowing that she created a child with a disability. well, that's what she called it, not in front of justin, though. and that day, pattie vowed that she'd always protect and provide for him.

of course, justin appreciated it, seeing as he was grateful that his mother cared so deeply for his well-being. she'd always feed him, clothed him and care for him. jeremy did, too, being the best father he could be to his only child; a mute one.

justin knew that jeremy loved him, even though he didn't live in denial like pattie did. but, justin knew that.

justin felt that maybe his parents didn't know how observant he was. justin, in some weird way, could feel their emotions. walking past his mother's bedroom door, the occasional whimpers and pleas from God spilled under the door, finding it's way to justin. and, jeremy's occasional drinking told justin that his father was trying. trying to understand all of the world. why his son was mute. he'd claim he was okay, but his clouded eyes and alcoholic breath said otherwise.

justin also had the ability to feel their pain, something he felt himself at times. anytime of the day, a pang would let loose on his chest, giving off a sting that would last a few seconds. his eyelids would flap over his brown eyes, creasing on the sides in pain. he'd sometimes lean forward, towards his bending knees. his body went through it. . .

it was something justin couldn't explain, more than whenever my parents are hurt, i feel it, too. he never told his parents about it, keeping it to himself for the most part. seeing as justin couldn't talk.

his mother's denial about letting her son go only grew as justin faced more problems. it was like she was blinded by the fact that justin wasn't five or six, when he would actually need this type of suffocating love. which he did get, as he still gets it.

his father's denial about not understanding did grow, like pattie's did. he would spill into couch potato mood, and sit down in the basement, watching the large tv. then minutes later, his mood would change to drone mode. he'd sit there - not never paying attention to the tv - and just think. his lips would attach themselves to the liquor bottle, and drain it off all it's contents. then, he'd just grab another bottle, and drain it, too.

denial was a famous thing in justin's household. everyone had it. it was like a contagious sickness that you'd get if you stayed at the bieber's house. one reason why they didn't get so much company. only people who came was some of jeremy's relatives.

pattie's family disowned her when she'd told them that justin was mute. and again, justin thought it was his fault. . .everything was his fault. well, that's what the voice claims, anyway.

and, the had always tried putting justin in his own state of denial. his mother didn't love him, she was false, like everyone else. the voice knew that justin didn't believe shit it said. justin always thought the voice was in denial. no one loved justin? pattie sure did, everyone saw it.

and, she would always. . .

~ ~ ~
[ first update of 2016! are you excited? ]
yaay, i changed the chapter names, so yeah. . .
can you guess which character that is in the picture!?
[ you enjoying it ]
bieberdaycare

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published: january 9, 2k16
word count: 1401