Sister Of The Shield

Sister of The Shield (Chapter 22)

Emily had been holding in a great deal of pain and guilt in for years. Bray had asked her something about her real parents and that was when she lost it. Bray felt bad about making Emily cry.

"I'm sorry Emily, I didn't mean to upset you, I shouldn't have asked you about your parents."

"Don't worry about it... I always thought that they didn't want me and that there was something wrong with me. Then when I found out that my mom had cancer and died a few years after having me, I guess I just blamed myself. Then with everything that's been going on with Seth and my other past relationships, I tried so hard to ignore how I feel... I've just been putting on a smile and acting like everything was ok. I've held it in for years, and now... all of the pain, fear, and guilt I've felt, finally broke me. I'm just sorry for breaking down on you."

Bray held her in his arms and she looked at him when he spoke to her.

"Emily... you don't have to apologize to me. You will never have to apologize to me for how you feel. "

"How did you know Bray?... How did you know that I was holding everything in when no one else did?"

"Everyone else... they are so concerned with their busy lives that they don't give you a second thought. The smile you put on your face may be able to fool some people, but I could see past the surface. I could see it in your eyes, all the pain you were feeling, and it's still there, just not as much."

"I just... couldn't hold it in anymore."

"It's not good to hold it in. Holding in all of that pain, sadness, fear, and guilt for years, could turn into bitterness and hate, or may even lead to depression."

"I've always just, not wanted to show weakness and cry. I always thought it was better to ignore how you felt, put a smile on your face and continue working."

"Crying is not a sign of weakness Emily, in fact, it's just the opposite. Allowing yourself to feel sadness and pain is better than trying to put on a brave face and trying not to feel anything at all, because when you finally do break down, all of the years of pain and guilt... it's not pretty... You have to allow yourself to feel these things Emily, it may hurt at first, but if you allow yourself to feel pain, it becomes that much easier to overcome it. You're not alone in this Emily. I already told you that I would be here for you, then you have Roman and his family, they love you. Whenever you are at your worst, it's important to surround yourself with people that care about you. There is a better chance of getting through whatever pain you're feeling when you have people around that care about you, it's much better to have people around than to try to solve everything yourself. Showing people your pain and tears is better than showing them nothing at all, because it shows that you are capable of having feelings. Once you've been through all of the pain... once you are at your lowest, the next direction is up, and better times are around the corner. Life is like a roller coaster, there are many highs and lows, you can ride by yourself, or you can have someone that with be there to ride with you to the very end."

Bray stood up and held his hand out. Emily looked at him for a moment, but then finally smiled at him as she took his hand and he helped her up.

"Thank you Bray, you've really helped me today... this wasn't exactly how I saw our first date going, but I'm glad that you're here."