The Black Queen

Twenty first Entry

August 14, 1986

I was home alone today. Marty went out to find a job. He's been trying to find one since yesterday. I stayed home and rested. I kept trying to figure out how I was going to keep the baby safe from all of this crap once it was born. Roger wouldn't have time to spend time with it, and he already has two children.

Someone knocked the door. I opened up. It was Freddie. I was surprised to see him after everything that's happened.

"Freddie, hi" I said

"Hello, darling. May I come in?"

"Yea, sure. Have a seat" I invited him in. He took a look around and chuckled. "I don't think I've ever come into your home."

"I don't think so either." I laughed. "Sorry it's so messy. I don't really have that much energy to clean anything up." I picked a few things up from the floor." 

"It's alright. I understand." He sat down at the kitchen table. I sat across from him. I offered him a cigarette. He took it. I didn't take one, of course. 

"How have you been?" I asked.

"I've been alright. With the secret being discussed, I don't think a lot of people took it that seriously, I denied it anyway. They must think the magazine company was only lying."

"I'm so sorry this happened to you, Freddie."

"It's fine. Like I said, a lot of people believed me when I said it wasn't true." He took a puff from his cigarette. He exhaled it out through his nose. "Um.. Roger told me about your pregnancy... And your decision."

"Yea, I made a decision but I decided not to go through it."

"Oh, I see. Well, congratulations on that case." He smiled. "I had no idea you and Roger were actually..."

"I know, I know. It was a stupid mistake." I sighed. "I should have known better. I did know it was the wrong thing to do, I just couldn't resist myself."

"I know, dear." He said. "So are you going to tell Roger about the baby?"

"I am. I have to. He sounded like he didn't want me to lose it."

"He was completely broken down when he told us. He locked himself in his room for hours."

"I feel horrible now."

"If you call him and tell him you're keeping the baby, maybe it will make him feel better." I nodded. I picked up the phone and called Roger. I told him to come over. Freddie left twenty minutes before Roger came. He looked like he was hit with an excessive amount of pain. His eyes were red and his hair was messy. He smelled like cigarettes and booze. Jesus, he was acting this way with his kids around? I invited him. He sat down on the couch. I sat on the chair across from him.

"I called you so I can tell you this in person." I said

"What is it?" He asked in a hoarse voice.

"I decided to keep the baby." Once I said this his eyes lit up. "But this means you have to be there for it once its born. You can't just be focused on your music, and Dominique needs to understand that you must be there for all of your children, not just hers or not just mine."

"Is there anyway I can help you now?"

"That I already have taken care of."

"How?"

"Marty is helping me now. He's out right now looking for a job. I don't want to hear any of your bullshit about him. He's my best friend." He nodded. 

"Do you know how long you've been pregnant?"

"Four months the doctor said. Before I even knew I noticed how big it grew over the months. I knew something weird was going on with my body. I just didn't think it'd be this."

"Have you gone to the doctor?"

"I have an appointment next week. The last time I went was about two days ago. The doctor might determine the sex of the baby."

"Already? Wow, th-that's great." He smiled. "Is it okay if I come?"

"I don't know if that's a good idea. Dominique-"

"I've had enough of you being afraid of Dominique. You let me handle her. She has nothing to do with you. This is our baby and she can't do anything about that. Please, just let me come."

"Okay then" I said. He stood up. He walked toward me. He knelt down and put his hand over my belly. He put his ear to it. He began to sing to it. I couldn't believe I didn't know I was pregnant. It just seemed ridiculous I didn't know. This mess just keeps getting bigger and bigger.

-Dahlia