The Black Queen

Forty Fourth (Final) Entry

Seven years later...

October 5, 2000

I have finally made the decision of telling Skylar the secret I had been keeping for fourteen years. She didn't take it too well. I decided to tell her alone at home when she came from school. I was home from work, preparing what I was going to say to her. I became even more nervous when I heard the front door open. 

"Hey mom" I heard her say. "I'm home."

"Hi, mi cielo. How was school?" I asked her from the kitchen. I was randomly placing things in the kitchen. 

"Exhausting. My math teacher failed me on my test, and then he blames me for not studying when I asked him for help and tutoring."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"And then my Biology teacher is confusing me with so many cells and viruses, like, please slow down."

"I know exactly how you feel." I sensed that she knew something was wrong. She didn't say anything for a while.

"Mom, is something wrong?"

"Um... Sky, can I talk to you for a couple of minutes?"

"Sure." 

We both sat down at the kitchen table. I took a deep breath and started what needed to be done.

"So, you know about your father, the man who couldn't stay with us because he was too busy?"

She nodded. 

"Well, he was busy, but not that busy. Your father was...is a very wonderful and kind man who loves you very much, and would do anything to spend time with you."

"Mom, what are you saying? I don't really understand."

"What I'm saying is that I've been lying to you all this time and I feel so horrible about it."

"So my dad, he's still around?"

"Yes."

"And you made me believe that he loved his job more than his family?"

"It's not like that."

"Mom, do you know how left out I felt in school? Do you know how many Father's day celebrations at school I had to be left out of because I didn't have a dad? Do you know how many times I've been made fun of because 'my dad doesn't love me and that's why he left'?"

"I'm so sorry."

"Sorry can't make up for fourteen years of wishing and begging and praying to God that my dad would come back."

"Sky, I know you're angry, and I completely understand that, I won't ask you for your forgiveness, because I know you won't give it to me, all I wanted was for you to finally know the truth."

She let out a huge sigh.

"I should have turned off my hearing aids for this entire thing."

"Don't say that. I really wanted you to know."

"Why did you lie to me in the first place."

"At the time when your father and I were together, it was very complicated and difficult to be with him after you were born. He attracted to much drama and attention. I was afraid you were gonna get hurt."

"Did he know about me?"

"Not until about two years after you were born."

She bowed and shook her head. "Unbelievable, even I was a secret for a period of time."

"It wasn't as bad, he loved you as soon as he saw you. He admired how your eyes looked like his."

"My eyes?"

I nodded.

"Who is he, mom? Who's my dad?" 

I looked into her eyes, then up at the person behind her. She slowly turned around. Roger was standing there with tears in his eyes. I began to tear up as well. Skylar stood up from her chair. He began to slowly walk to him. He remained completely still. I heard her sniffle a little. Once she reached him, she raised her hand to his cheek and caressed it.

"Roger?" She cried. "You? You were my dad..all this time? And I didn't even know?"

"I'm so sorry" He sniffled. He pulled her in to a big hug. Roger looked up at me and mouthed a thank you. I nodded. I wiped away a tear. 

Skylar and Roger spent the rest of the day together. She came back deciding she was going to spend the Summer with him and her half siblings. She's furious, I understand. But that's my own fault.

Two days later, Roger called me. He wanted a cup of coffee with me. I met him later that day. He got us a seat outside. He saw me and waved. I smiled and walked towards him. He stood up and let me sit down. A waiter came by to take our orders. Roger asked for a cup of tea and I asked for a cup of coffee.

"It's been a while since we had a nice conversation." He chuckled.

"Yea" I smiled. "So much time has passed."

"Oh don't worry, you still have time. Me, however, well, I'm already old."

"You're still dashingly handsome."

He laughed. "I haven't been handsome in ten years."

"I don't think so." He smiled. I took out a cigarette and lit it up.

"Do you mind giving me one?" He asked me

"I thought you quit smoking!"

"I just want to try." I rolled my eyes and lit one for him. He began coughing. "That was a mistake."

I began to laugh. "Oh my god, Roger, you never fail to amuse me!"

"You never failed to amaze me." he said. 

"Thank you." I took a puff out of my cigarette.

"No, Dahlia, I mean it. I have never stopped loving you. You sparked something in me, something that wasn't able to die out."

I exhaled the smoke from my lungs. I set down my cigarette.

"Roger, I'm over you. I've been over you for years now. I've moved on. I think it's time for you too."

"You're right, I just wanted you to know that. I couldn't keep it in me anymore."

"I understand. I felt the same way..."  I looked down at my lap. I hands kept moving on the table. He reached for my hand on the table and held it.

"Thank you, Dahlia. That was a very brave thing to do after all these years. She'll forgive you soon. I'm sure of it."

"Thank you, Roger."

We talked for about two more hours. 

Things have gotten better, things have gotten worse, but that's just how life goes, it's not perfect. Just make sure the good deeds are done. I know, I speak from experience.

-Dahlia