The Black Queen

Thirty sixth Entry

May 26, 1992

I feel so fucking guilty after what I did with Brian. I can't stop thinking about that night with him. It wasn't supposed to happen. I had no idea he had feelings for me. I guess I just missed that feeling of freedom and excitement. Oh god what am I talking about? I have two kids. I shouldn't be thinking about this.

I left the morning after the party Roger and Debbie took me to. Roger dropped me off at the airport. He helped us with our luggage up until the front entrance.

"Thanks for visiting, darling" He said.

"Thanks for letting us stay." I said. He smiled then looked down at Skylar.

"I'm going to miss you." He said.

"Why can't you move to San Diego with us?" She asked

"Why can't you move to London with us?" He joked, but she got a peculiar look on her face. I interfered before anything went any further.

"Alright, don't get any ideas." I chuckled. Skylar gave Roger a hug and then I did afterwards.

"I'll miss you" He said.

"Yea I'll miss you too." I took Skylar by her hand and walked into the airport. We looked back at Roger one last time. He waved. Skylar waved back to him.

We arrived back to San Diego the next day. It was twelve in the morning. I called Marty on the phone. He said he was already there waiting for us. Skylar was half asleep. Poor baby. I hurried her to the front of the airport to the pick-up. We saw him waiting with the car. He smiled as soon as he saw us, but as soon as I saw him, my heart filled with a hot tank of regret. The man I've known since childhood, the man I once had a crush on in high school, the man who helped me get through all of this, I betrayed and cheated on.

Skylar ran to him. He swung her up in his arms. She giggled.

"I missed you so much!" He said. He gave her a big kiss on the cheek.

"I missed you too, Marty." She yawned.

"Someone's tired. Get in the car, get some rest." He set her down and let her in the car. Tony was already asleep in there too. He sighed and smiled at me.

"Hi, baby" He said. He gave me a kiss and hugged me. "I missed you."

"I missed you too." We put the luggage in the back of the car. We left home afterwards. When we got home I was too tired to do anything. Marty said he'd bring the luggage inside while Skylar and I went to bed. While I laid there, I kept thinking about that night with Brian. Why couldn't I stop thinking about him? I had to. That gorgeous, beautiful man. Shit. First the drummer, now the guitarist. Who knew I'd come this far.

The next day I woke up around two in the afternoon. Time change can sure make you tired. I went downstairs and saw Skylar was already awake, showered and everything. How does she do it? She was watching tv while Tony sat with her.

"Good morning, mommy" she said. I walked over to her and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

"Where's Marty?" I asked her.

"He's in the backyard."

I went out to the backyard where Marty was watering the lawn. He turned off the hose when he saw me.

"Good morning, or afternoon" he smiled. He pecked my lips. "Are you hungry?"

"Yes" I said. I went into the kitchen with him. He served me a plate of spaghetti.

"I made this for lunch. I hope this is alright?" He said

"Its fine" I said. I twirled my fork into the pasta and picked it up. I put it into my mouth and ate the pasta. Delicious.

"Your mom wants to know if we're coming over for Christmas." He said

"Of course. I always go. I don't know why she would even ask that." I didn't even look at him while I talked. Too much guilt

"Your mom always made me laugh." He chuckled. " Hey, are you alright?" He asked me. I looked up at him. My hand trembled a little.

"Yea I'm fine. Im just tired."

"I get it. Don't worry, ill let you eat, just don't fall asleep on the food." He left the table.

"Haha very funny." I sarcastically said. I let out a huge sigh after he left. This is bad. This is very bad.

-Dahlia