The Black Queen

Thirty fifth Entry

May 24, 1992

Why do I always keep making the same fucking mistakes! I made the same fucking cheap ass, amateur move I made almost nine years ago, and that was fucking around with a man I wasn't to supposed to screw. 

Tonight was the night a random party needed to occur. It was only for adults so Skylar and Roger's children was being watched by a sitter. Roger and Debbie drove me to a ballroom where the party was held. A lot of people were there. Mostly people I didn't know. I was very nervous, I stayed close to Roger, but still kept a good distance from him. He and Debbie greeted some people. They introduced me to them as well. 

We had been there for about two hours. I was at the bar alone while everyone was dancing, including Roger and Debbie. I had a Bloody Mary in my hand. No, I was not drunk. I controlled myself this time...sort of. As I watched Roger have a great time with his wife, I wondered what our life would have been like if he would have known about Skylar, if we would have been together, if he would have been a good father, if Skylar would have been happier.

I looked down at my half-empty glass. I tapped it with my finger. I sighed. Maybe I should leave, I thought. 

I felt a talk figure arrive at the bar next to me. 

"Dahlia, I haven't seen you for a while." He said. I looked up at him.

"Hello, Brian. It has been a long time." I said. He smiled down at me. 

"How have you been?"

"I've been great, y'know. A new life, new me." 

"I suppose you're happy?"

"I am. How about you?"

"I'm fantastic. Trying to be a new person as well."

"It's good that people change." I said. He nodded.

"How are your children?"

"They're fine. My youngest is back at home. Skylar is with me, just not here." I took a sip of my drink.

"Skylar...Roger's daughter."

"Yes. And?"

"I just think that was a really fucked up thing you did to Roger."

"Yea, well, I know I did and I regret it but I have my intentions."

"I'm sure you did. I just hope she's happy."

"She is"

"That's wonderful to hear." He walked away and disappeared into the crowd. 

I took another long gulp of my drink then set it down. I looked for a quiet place to be. Roger and Debbie were still dancing. I went upstairs. There was a quiet dim-lit room. It was empty. There was a huge couch which I could lay on and relax. I closed the door behind me. I sat on the couch and laid down. I looked up at the ceiling. I laid there for a good twenty minutes alone. The music moaned through the walls. It was muffled and the bass was the only thing clear enough to hear. I finally got up. I got my stuff together. I was about to walk out of the room when someone opened the door before me. It was Brian. 

"Brian, what are you doing here?" I asked.

"I came here to do something I wanted to do ever since I met you." Before I could speak again he lent down and kissed my lips. I was caught off-guard, but I liked it for some reason, but I also knew it was the wrong thing to do. I pushed him away. 

"Brian, we can't do this. I'm already in enough shit. I'm married!" 

"I know, but Dahlia, ever since I laid my eyes on you, I want to be with you, to get to know you better. But of course Roger did that first. I was only jealous about finding out about the two of you, but the main reason I never told anyone about you guys was because I wanted to protect you. And I was absolutely heartbroken to find out you were pregnant with his child. I wanted you to be mine all these years, these nine, impatient, painful years." 

For some reason after hearing all that it made me feel something towards Brian. I don't want to say I was instantly hooked because that sounds real fucking corny, but its true. I leapt up to his lips and kissed them. He held onto my waist. I unbuttoned his shirt. He unzipped my dress. He unlocked the door behind him so know one could come in. He pushed me onto the couch and continued to undress me. We did some fucking that night. I am both not proud and glad I did it. 

Once we were finished we got dressed. I put on my dress and shoes. Brian buttoned up his shirt. 

"Should I call you tomorrow?" He asked me.

"No" I said "I'll be gone tomorrow"

"What?"

"I go back to San Diego tomorrow. And um, my husband is waiting for me there so, maybe we should just forget about this."

"Are you really telling me we should do that? You seemed to enjoy it!"

"I did! I did....I really did, but I already have two kids and I'm married. Jesus, the tables turned. I'm doing what Roger did and now I feel like shit." I began to tear up. Brian walked over to me. He wiped away a tear. He lifted up my chin and made me look at him.

"Don't worry, I understand. We won't ever tell anyone about this. But just do know, I love you."

-Dahlia