Protector

I don't see the point of breathing anymore.

Oh, and its February.

and the past 3 months have been utter shit.

All my friends hate me for no reason, so I hate them too, I suppose. But one thing happens almost every day, that will be irreverseable now. 

Every tear now that falls from my eyes, I disappear with it. I disapear into a world of not harm or hate, but shamefully, that hasn't happened, YET.

Dan abuses me.

Abusion such as verbal... He kicks punch and slaps me. It hurt at first.

But the worst thing about is that noe, I just let him get on with it, I dont flinch or cry, well I cry myself to sleep every night.... but... Yeah, I stand there and that kills me, bevause I dont do anything, I always feel like I'm just weak and defenseless, wich is practically what I am but...

Never mind. I never have much to say anymore. My mind is blank and free of any thoughts what so ever. 

I started up my car today to go to college, and yet here comes the dirty stares and whispers all around me now. Lilly and Diasy and Cara have actually been trying to stop Sian Molly and Kaya and they try but the havent suceeded, so they've kind of taken me under their wing.

But sometimes, I do wonder if it's part of a new scheme... and they're just going to go and do something that will just push me over the edge.

I have considered self harming, but could never bring myself to do it, and suicide, but then I think it's ot worth it, I have a whole life to live, I cant just stop it all here, For all I know my future could get brighter.

(Which it does)

I stopped in the car park, and checked my phone for any new messages. Nope, thank god. 

I started up into the drizzly cool morning, shivering, my breath clouding in front of me.

I know it sounds strange, but the rain was very wet but very little of it, I always sound like such a loony when I say this, but some people must know what I mean...

Maybe.

I squeaky clean white corridors had hustles of students bundling round their lockers. It was just a few months till I finisshed college, so I could take a years break, but next summer, I'm planning to go to america for a while at summer camp. I know lots of people who have done it, so hopefully I'll get in.

I slammed my locker shut and realised Molly had slipped a not into my hoodie.

FUCK OF YOU WHORE. GO DIE IN A HOLE.

She walked of smirking, obviously pleased with herself. I didnt retaliate anymore, wasnt worth it because she was, or should I correct myself, THEY were being pathetic. 

I went to first class, catering, but I couldnt concentrate so I didnt take much in, which wasnt any help. I groaned in annoyance as all through history, Molly Kaya and Sian were throwing rubber at me.

Sometimes I wonder if they should still be in infant school. 

After my day was over, My mum and everyone were still at work, so I went home and cried. They werent going to be back till late because Poppy has some crappy prizegiving.

So I was home alone. 

Wasnt a bad thing, until I got the call from dan.

'Hello?' I whispered down the line

'I want you to be at mine when I get home at 10, and it's 9 now, if you arent I will beat you so hard that you will have 2 black eyes tomorrow, understand?' He hissed.