Recollections

The Time I Tried To Heal

The Time I Tried To Heal
(song of the chapter: Almost Lover // A Fine Frenzy)

I'm in this state where I don't know who to turn to or where to go. All of my friends are Austin's friends too, and my best friend is his sister. That doesn't exactly leave me with very many options on who I can confide in on my recent break up.

It's been four days and I've been staying at my parents house again--which, quite frankly, is a pain in the ass because they don't live very close to my campus so I've missed two days of classes. Every being in my body is screaming at me to dial up Elena and ask her if I can move in with her and Phoebe, her new roommate, until I can find a place of my own. But my pride is standing in the way and I can't seem to swallow enough of it to tell her what's happened between Austin and I.

The universe is playing a sadistic trick on me because just as I'm sitting here in my car driving to school, my cell phone rings. The caller ID shows no other name than, of course, Elena. After a moment of contemplating whether or not I'm going to answer her coincidental call, I tap the green button and raise the phone to my ear.

"Erin!" Her high pitched voice echoes through the phone and I move it away from my ear just a bit.

"Hey, Elena."

"Don't you dare, 'hey Elena' me! You and Austin split up?" She asks the question, but by the accusation resonating in her voice I know she already knows the answer. I don't respond. "Why am I hearing this almost a week later from my brother rather than four days ago from you?"

"Elena," I sigh, knowing she won't understand. "I didn't know how to tell you. I was upset and humiliated."

Her tone softens and I can feel the transition from Austin's sister, to My best friend. "Where are you?"

"I'm driving to school from my parents apartment." I confess.

"Your parents's? That's nearly an hour drive! Skip school, you're coming over." Elena demands.

"Listen Elena, I've already missed classes twice this week..." Before I can continue on with my protest, I hear the line click dead and I know that she's disconnected our call. A gush of air flows from my mouth and I alter my route to the campus and guide my car to Elena's apartment.

I shoot her a text when I'm in the parking lot and she's awaiting my arrival at her front door. My lips attempt to smile at her but the gesture is lousy and I know she saw through the action. We casually greet one another and she motions for me to come inside. Plopping down onto the couch, I gaze around the small flat and my eyes pause on Phoebe's bedroom door. "Is Phoebe here?"

"No, she's at work." Her answer fills me with relief. Not that I don't like Phoebe, I just don't want everyone gathered around to hear every splintering detail of my soap opera, I mean life.

Silence fills the loft and Elena's sitting on the couch adjacent from me. She's not staring at me or anything uncomfortable, but I know that I won't be leaving anytime soon until I spill the beans.

"I'm sorry, I should've told you." I focus on my breathing as I map out the spiel I'm about to toss her way. "I love him Elena, you know I love him. But I couldn't stand by anymore and watch him tear himself down." The words pour out of my mouth like water from a faucet.

I tell her everything.

I tell her how it started with the loss of her father, I tell her how he stopped eating dinner with me then stopped coming home for dinner altogether. I tell her how he left me alone in our bed and found sleep on our couch. I tell her how he turned to alcohol, rather than turning to me. I tell her how over the past several months, I've stood by while watching her brother fall out of love with me.