Recollections

The Time Austin Told

The Time Austin Told
(song of the chapter: That's What You Get // Paramore)

I'm startled awake when I hear the commotion outside of my bedroom.

"Elena you need to calm down." I hear Phoebe's raised voice outside of my door.

Loud footsteps echo through the apartment and then a deeper voice says something, words I cannot quite make out. I'm swinging my legs out of bed, eager to see what the fuss is all about. Just as I'm grabbing the knob on my door, pounding comes from the opposite side.

I yank the door open, only to be met by Elena's face. Her expression reveals nothing and I glance over her shoulder at Phoebe, and then I see Austin a little further behind. My eyes reunite with Elena's blue ones that are so similar to her brother's.

There's a fierceness burning behind them and my heart drops to the pit of my stomach. Snapping my attention to Austin, my words come out at gasps. "You told her?"

As the last word leaves my lips, Elena's hand raises and collides forcefully against my left cheek, leaving a stinging sensation in its wake. My feet automatically take a step back and my hand cups my cheek, shocked by her brute actions.

Austin's pushing past Phoebe now, his arms locking around Elena and pulling her away from me. He yells for her to calm down, I think. I'm so stunned that I'm vaguely aware of what's happening around us, my eyes have narrowed in on my best friend.

She doesn't fight against Austin, who's putting distance between her and I. "You lied to me." Her lips form the words and they sting worse than the slap had.

"Elena..." I'm struggling for air, and I'm not even sure if she heard me call her name. She doesn't show any indication that she heard me. Or maybe she doesn't care what I have to say. Raising my weak voice, I call her name again.

This time she yanks free from Austin and flies towards me, her finger jabbing too closely to my face. "No, you don't get to act surprised." Her tone is harsh. "You've been seeing my brother again since my accident. That's three months now Erin, you've had plenty of time to come clean."

She whirls around facing her brother. "And you. You've been coming around here acting like you needed to make sure I was taken care of. You didn't care about me."

Austin's shaking his head and I step between her and him. "Elena, I asked him not to say anything."

"Shut up." Elena shoves me assertively against my shoulders and I stumble backwards, colliding with Austin's chest. His arms wrap around me, not allowing me to fall.

Elena pushed to door to my room open and enters. She starts pushing things off of my shelves, sending perfume bottles and makeup crashing to the floor with heavy thuds. "We tell each other everything Erin, and now you want to start lying to me." Her back is to me, but I can hear the hurt lacing through her words.

"My father dies and you think Austin is the only one who's hurting? Like he's the only one who was grieving? I took you in, Erin, I helped you move on. And you repay me by sneaking behind my back and seeing my brother again, taking advantage of the fact that I was recovering so he could be with you?" She's turned around now, glaring at me and I swear I see steam flow out of her ears.

Elena steps closer to us and stabs a finger into Austin's chest. "You needed time to get better Austin. I was trying to help you, both of you, and you lied to me. Why, because Erin asked you too? What happened to blood is thicker than water?"

"Elena," Austin growls, and I flinch, knowing he never uses her full name. "you know this is entirely different."

Elena scoffs and shakes her head in disbelief. "Get the hell out." She whispers.

I blink and continue to stare at her, her words not quite registering in my head. Phoebe steps up, "Wait, what?"

Elena points at me and Austin. "Get. The hell. Out."

I don't bother grabbing anything, I just turn away from her and head towards the front door. Austin is closely behind me and I see his car in the parking lot.

From the drivers seat he stares over at me. Slowly, I put my hands over my face and start to cry. "Give her some time she'll come around." He whispers. "She's just hurt that we lied to her. She thinks she knows what's best for us, she thinks us being apart is good. Elena just needs time, she'll see."

Sobs are racking my entire body and I've angled myself away from Austin now. "Why did you tell her?"

Austin doesn't answer as he pulls out of the lot and guides us home to his apartment. I repeat the phrase a few more times, but when it's clear he has no answer I fall silent, my choked weeping the only sound in the car.

Austin tries to swaddle me in his bed sheets, and wrap his arms around me but I resist. Had I known that keeping our relationship a secret would blow up in my face this way, I wouldn't have. I'd thought that this was the best way, to protect Elena, to protect my heart. Clearly, I was wrong and the idea that maybe I've lost my best friend is trapped within the prison of my mind.

I love you is whispered into my ear as I drift off to sleep, but the only thing I can think to say, is "Why did you tell her?" As if this is all his fault for telling the truth, rather than mine for suggesting we lie.