Recollections

The Time I Was Caught Off Gaurd

The Time I Was Caught Off Gaurd
(song of the chapter: Halo // Beyoncé)

I get the idea to swing by Elena's apartment on my way home from school today. I've been calling her all week and she's been sending me straight to voicemail. There's no way she can avoid me in person, after all, I have a key to her apartment. So before my adrenaline can wash away, I frantically rush to Elena's.

While in the car, I dial Austin's number. On the first ring he answers. "Hey baby."

I skip the greetings. "I'm stopping by Elena's really quick. I should be home in thirty to forty-five minutes." I try to fast track the conversation and sign off with an I love you, but Austin's slowing my rushing waterfall of words.

"Woah woah woah, no way. You can't go there alone."  He intercepts my idea.

"Why not."

His scoff through the phone is muffled. "Erin, the last time she saw you she tried to kick your ass. I'm not letting you go there alone."

This isn't something I'm willing to negotiate. "I'm already pulling into her complex. I'll be home soon." I disconnect the call before he can find time to rebuke me.

My footsteps are quick and clumsy and I stumble a few times before I reach the door. This time I knock and slide the key into the deadbolt, letting them know I'm here and allowing myself entrance.

I step into the apartment and I see Elena sitting on the couch. She's talking to someone and her words fall short when her attention shifts to me.

Her blue eyes harden when they see my face and I almost wish I'd listened to Austin. Almost.

"I came to pick up some of my stuff."

Elena gestures down the hall. "Have at it."

Just as I begin to move forward, her guest decides to turn around. Dark eyes meet mine and I feel as if I've been punched between my ribcage.

"Seth." I choke.

He looks back and forth between elena and I, then finally he stops on me. "Hello, Erin."

His husky, familiar voice hurts the worst. Worse then seeing him. He's changed over the months, his frame more built and his beard is thicker but well groomed.

My head snaps to Elena and now I'm the one glaring. "Seth what are you doing here?" I ask, gaze still fixed on my so called best friend.

He doesn't answer and I watch how his right arm moves to scratch the back of his neck, showing discomfort. My eyes are beginning to prickle so I quickly make my escape down the hall to my old room.

I'm standing in the bedroom staring at my belongings, but I make no move to grab them. Tears are gliding down the slopes of my cheeks and I quickly brush them off with the backs of my hands.

Why would she do something so spiteful? She knew that was the way to hurt me, but why would she stoop so low?

The realization that I never told Elena I was coming over hits me like a freight train and leaves me gasping for air. If I never told her I'd be coming, that means she had other reasons for having Seth over, apart from me.

I stomp out into the living room and my eyes fall on her calm face. That bitch. My hand strikes her cheek and she makes no movement to reveal if I hurt her whatsoever. "You bitch." I accusingly shriek.

Everything is moving ten times faster. Seth jumps up from the couch and stands between us. Both of his hands are resting on each of our shoulders. The skin where his hand is touching, aches.

I can't handle being around him. I chose Austin and that's that, but that doesn't change the fact that I had some sort of feelings for him. Feelings that I was just recognizing after I'd ended things with him. It never would've impacted my decision, I would've chosen Austin regardless, but I never got to acknowledge or grieve those feelings when he and I were done and maybe that's why this hurts so badly.

I jerk away from Seth and turn towards the door, needing to leave.

"You had the audacity to call me a liar. You're nothing but a hypocrite, Elena." I step out and slam the door behind.

My feet are running to the car and the speed doesn't end there. I drive fifteen over the posted speed limit the entire drive home. At one point during the drive, I flick on my windshield wipers because I can't see through the downpour of rain. Then I come to the realization that it isn't raining and that I'm crying. Blinking profusely, I attempt to clear my vision but it only helps a little.

Once I've parked, I tug the bottom of my shirt up to my face. Using my shirt as a napkin, I dry my tears.

Austin is pacing our bedroom when I enter the apartment and he doesn't look up at me when he speaks. "Do you have any fucking idea how stressed out I was."

His question is rhetorical and his tone is seething so I move closer to him and stay silent.

"You shouldn't have gone without me, Erin. We're a team, you can't just go off making whatever decisions you want and think that I'll be okay with that." He's yelling now.

I stand in front of him, blocking him for pacing any further. My hands ease around his neck and I stand on my tip toes to bring my mouth up to his.

Some of his anger dissolves into our kiss, but I know he isn't dropping this. I pull away from our kiss. "You were right. I never should've went there." I whisper.

Austin falls quiet, obviously not expecting me to agree with him so easily. His Atlantic eyes are trying to read my face but I hide my emotions.

I pull his mouth back down to mine and kiss his with more conviction this time. He stumbles back as I push his chest forcefully so that he'll sit on the bed. Austin catches my drift and he moves us both backwards to the bed, our lips never breaking apart.

I climb atop of him and straddle him as I tease his mouth with my tongue. My hands massage his scalp and tangle through his messy hair. A moan purrs out from my mouth and I grind my hips down on him. The bulge growing in his jeans doesn't go unnoticed and I press down harder.

My hands free themselves from his hair and I move them to pull off Austin's shirt. Austin grabs both of my wrists in one hand easily and our lips detach.

He's panting and I can see the effect my aggressive actions are having on him. His blue eyes gaze up at me though and he continues to strain my hands.

"What's wrong Erin?" He knows somethings up and his question is a demand to know.

I clamp my eyelids shut and shake my head. "Nothing." I lie.

"Don't lie to me." He pleads and the helplessness in his tone pushes me over. Tears stream from my eyes again and I move to climb off of him.

Austin holds me against him with his hand that isn't cuffing my wrists. "Erin."

"Let me go." I cry.

"No. Not until you tell me what's wrong." I struggle against him chest but Austin doesn't fail to keep me locked against him.

My tears fall harder and my fighting grows weak. "Let me go and I'll tell you."

So he does, his hands release mine and I roll off of him. He's staring intently at my face and I close my eyes as I start to tell him about Elena and Seth at her apartment.

At some point my eyes open wide and the pain that flashes across his eyes doesn't go unnoticed when I mention Seth to him.

"So what about your stuff?" He asks at the end.

"I left it." I admit.

He nods and pulls me against his chest. "I'll get your things tomorrow. Just go to sleep Erin." So I do, I close my eyes and focus in on the beats of his heart that is taking place beneath my ear.