Recollections

The Time I Was Dumped

The Time I Was Dumped: Seth's POV
(song of the chapter: Love You Goodbye // One Direction)

Erin sends all three of my calls to voicemail. I wonder if she's with him? Of course she's with him, they're in love. The words she used the night she left me ring in my ears. I put my shirt over the top of my--now second--beer, needing the extra grip to twist the bottle cap off. The beer hisses as the aluminum cap pops off beneath the pressure of my thumb and index finger.

Leaning back further into the couch cushions, I allow the memory of that night take over my mind.

My hands are jamming my wallet into my back pocket as I step out of the apartment and into the cool, nighttime air. I'm anxious and excited to see her for the first time in over a week and the clamminess of my palms goes to show my nerves. I'm trying to lock the door to my apartment and the key is shifting around between my fingers like a slip-n-slide.

Ten. That's how many days it's been since we've last seen each other. It doesn't matter, she's just a drive away and I'll be seeing her in the matter of minutes.

When I turn around to make my way down the stairs and to the parking lot, I'm taken by surprise. Erin is standing up from the stairs as if she's been waiting out here for quite some time. Why didn't she knock? Didn't she see my car parked out in the lot?

"Erin." Her name rolls off my tongue and it tastes like candy. I want to say it a few more times just to remember what it sounds like out in the open.

She doesn't greet me with her usual warm smile. Erin's head is tilted down and she's focused on her dirty, red converse.

"Hey." Her nails are flick, flick, flicking against each other and it takes me a moment to realize she's picking at them.

Nine. That's how many seconds it takes for her to finally tear her gaze away from her raggedy shoes and make eye contact with me.

Glancing back over my shoulder, I look at the door to my apartment. There's really no need for us to be standing outside, when the only reason I was leaving was to go see her. She beat me to the punchline. I find myself asking her, "How long have you been out here?"

Her shoulders rise and fall in a casual shrug and her gaze moves away from me when she speaks again. "Not long."

We fall silent for a moment and I consider what I should say next. She's behaving oddly, and I wonder if it has to do with the fact that she hasn't seen me in a while. Elena's recovering from her accident and Erin has been taking care of her. I didn't want to force myself on her when she's clearly been busy.

"How's Elena?" I blurt.

Eight. That's how many times her right hand pats her thigh I'm a thrumming rhythm before she responds with, "We need to talk Seth."

I try and read her face, but she's revealing nothing.

Seven. That's how many times I shift on my feet before asking the inevitable. "About?"

"Us." Erin stammers. "We--I, I'm breaking up with you." She's struggling to get the words beyond her lips, but I'm struggling to get air within mine.

My brows are elevated and I can practically feel how washed out my face has become. My question comes out as a gasp. "Why?"

Six. That's how many times her mouth open and closes without words to follow. She doesn't know what to tell me.

"Because of Austin?" The tone I've taken with her is probably more harsh then necessary, but I'm desperate to understand and I can't seem to calm myself down.

Five. That's how many times her head shakes left to right in defiance. "Because I'm in love with someone else and you deserve better than that." Bullshit.

Four. That's how may times I yank on my roots as I run my hands through my hair.

Every organ in my body feels as if it's shutting down. My knees are becoming weak and it's taking every ounce of my energy to not drop down onto my haunches in agony.

"Don't give me that scripted response Erin." I snap, my pain seeping into my cruel words.

"The reality is Seth, is that I've been trying to love you and I can't. Whether I like it or not, I'm in love with Austin. No matter if I stay with you now or I don't, this isn't going to work out. So why not deal with the inevitable."

I've jammed my fingers up against my eyelids, trying to massage the throbbing ache that's gathering somewhere behind my pupils. Her words are soaking into my skin, like tea bags soak in hot water.

Three. That's how many deep breaths I inhale then exhale before I hear her footsteps walking away from me.

She's nearly reached her car when I come up behind her. From the way her shoulders tense, I can tell she knows I've followed her. Erin doesn't bother turning around to face me. The lights on her car light up momentarily as she unlocks her doors and climbs inside.

Two. That's how many times I beg her not to leave me.

"Erin, please." I croak. "I love you." My voice breaks on the words 'love' and Erin visibly cringes.

I watch as her body loses all stamina and she collapses against her steering wheel. Good, you're not totally unscathed. You feel that? That's you're love for me that's causing you pain. Her words are barely audible. "No you don't. You shouldn't."

"Just because I shouldn't doesn't mean I don't." I plea, begging for the second time. "Please don't go back to him. He ruined you Erin, I would never do that to you. I'd take care of you and help get past him. You don't love me right now, but you would have. I could see it in your eyes."

I can't tell if my words are affecting her or not because her face is hidden against her steering wheel still. Her hand reaches out and grabs the door, preparing to shut me out.

One. That's the moment it takes her to break my heart.

"Seth, I'm sorry." The slamming of her car door immediately follows the ringing of her earth-shattering declaration. Her car ignites to life and I don't pull my gaze away from her car as she backs out of her parking space. I watch her speed out of the lot until she's entirely out of sight, swallowed up by the poorly lit, nighttime sky

I've finished my beer by the time the memory comes to a close in my mind. There's a familiar aching in my chest that I've grown to associate with the absence of Erin. Standing up from the couch, I make a bee line straight for my liquor cabinet. Hastily, I twist the lid off of a bottle of moonshine and swallow down a hefty swig.

My insides scream out but my train of thought sighs in relief. Tomorrow morning, I'll hate myself for this. How does that saying go? Beer before liquor never sicker, liquor before beer in the clear. Fuck that saying. I've got my own saying, I fucking hate Austin.