Recollections

The Time Erin Realized

The Time Erin Realized: Austin's Point of View
(song of the chapter: Wherever You Will Go // Charlene Soraia)

Things are slowly but surely falling back into line with Erin. There's not a doubt in my mind that she loves me, but sometimes I'll see her thinking wistfully and I'll know that Seth is on her mind. Part of me is green with envy, but mainly I blame myself. Had I not closed her out, had I not pushed her away, she never would've run into the arms of another man.

There's a war waging behind those murky eyes of hers. Sometimes she'll stop by my apartment and when she sees me honed in on the television, my name blurts from her lips. When I look to her, there's a look of relief on her face as if she expected me to be in the same zombie state she left me in before our breakup.

Erin and I still haven't told Laney that we've been seeing each other again. Everyday one of us is forced to tell her a lie, to keep our secret in tact. Laney will ask Erin where she's going and she'll fib so that she can spend time with me. Or Laney asks me why I've been around more often than usual and I tell her its to keep an eye on her--which is only partially true.

I'm knocking on the door to her apartment and I'm not surprised when my sister opens the door. A grin stretches across my face, but it doesn't quiet reach my ears like it would've had Erin answered. Laney has a backpack on and I raise my brows. "It's eight thirty, why do you have a backpack on?" I ask.

"I'm going to spend the night at Mom's. She's been worried about me since the accident, and I told her you've been helping out but I think it'd ease her mind if she got to see how well I'm really doing. I meant to text you and let you know, but it slipped my mind." She apologizes.

I'm only halfway listening to her, the other half of my attention is focused on finding Erin. When I don't see her in the kitchen or living room I glance over at Laney. "Where is everyone?"

She shrugs. "I don't know where the hell Phoebe is, but I think Erin went down stairs to do a load of our laundry." Laney busies herself, grabbing miscellaneous items around the apartment and tucking them into her overnight bag. "Austin, there's food in the kitchen that Erin made. Help yourself, I'm leaving." She waves goodbye and closes the apartment door behind her.

It's nice when she isn't here, because I'm not forced to keep up the lousy façade. I let myself into Erin's room and sprawl out across her bed. Erin's scent fills my nostrils and the soothing smell of lemon coaxes me into unconsciousness.

**

The sound of something clattering yanks me from my nap and I shoot upright. There's a mound of clothes on the floor, some of them are sorted into stacks and folded neatly. Music is playing softly and I notice Erin's iPod hooked up to the dock. My eyes skim the room for the source of the clattering and I spot Erin crouched down on her hands and knees; her chocolate hair acting as a tent around her face.

"Everything okay?" My voice is gruff from slumber.

Pushing her hair behind her ear, Erin peeks over her shoulder at me and laughs softly. "Yeah, I dropped my lemonade and made quite the mess."

Lifting my hands, I massage my eyes with the back of my wrists. Erin leaves the room with the cup and a bunch of soggy paper towels. When she returns I beckon her over and she climbs onto the bed, her cunning movements reminding me of a jungle cat. Her hair is hanging down around us and a strand slips free from behind her ear and grazes my cheek. She's peering down at me with a glimmer in her eyes that makes me think she's contemplating something serious.

Before I can bite my tongue, a thought falls from my mouth. "We should tell Elena." A flash of an emotion I cannot decipher, dismay maybe, flickers through her stormy grey eyes.