Recollections

The First Time We Said I Love You

The First Time We Said I Love You
(song of the chapter: Love Me Like You Do // Ellie Goulding)

The car ride to the airport is silent and tense.

I know Austin's still mad at me for taking this trip to Switzerland, but there isn't much I can do in this situation. The doctors made it clear that she doesn't have much time to live and I want to spend some time with her before she passes.

He understands that aspect, it's the amount of time that I'm staying that he's frustrated about. Two weeks ago, when I announced my trip to him, he asked me not to stay for so long. When I insisted that I needed as much time with her as I could, he begged for me to let him come.

"Austin, I need some quality time with my grandmother. If you're there I won't be focused on her." I had told him.

So being that I won't let him come and I'll be in Switzerland for a month, the only thing we could agree on was him driving me to the airport. Not that it really makes that much of a difference, since he's not even bothering to speak to me at this point. I understand where his frustration is coming from, I do. We've never gone this long without seeing each other, and we've become such a fixture in each other's life that it's going to be a struggle.

"Austin,"

His eyes remain glued to the road ahead. "I'm not mad Erin."

I purse my lips and give up on trying to talk. I'm surprised when he pulls into the parking garage to park. That means he's coming inside with me. I'd assumed, due to his bitter attitude, he'd be dropping me off in front of the airport and helping me unload my luggage before leaving. Our silence endures as we unload my bags, travel up in the elevator, and make our way to baggage claim.

It's not until we reach my gate that Austin stops walking. I turn around and look at him. "What?" There's an obvious grimace on his face as we both realize, he before me, that this is where we part ways.

Dropping all of my bags, I stand directly in front of him. "Okay, I'll call you everyday. And you can text me whenever, my phone will be on." I begin to babble. "Oh, and FaceTime. Don't forget to FaceTime me so I can see your handsome face." I smile, caressing his cheek in my palm. He leans into my hand and my heart slows.

"Okay." I say, leaning in to kiss him. Our lips meet and his tongue sweeps out to meet mine in a synchronized motion. His hands are tangling in my hair and we both seem less than eager to pull apart but it's inevitable.

Austin and I gather my bags and he helps me get them adjusted onto my arms. I lean in and peck him on the lips. And with that I turn and walk away.

I barely get two feet when I turn back around and walk towards him. He's still standing in the same spot I left him in moments ago. When I'm standing in front of him, I peck my lips against his once more. "Okay." I say for the millionth time.

When I pull back, I want to cry. Not just because he's frustrated, but also because I'll be gone for a month and my grandmother is dying and my best friend won't be there to help me through this. One last time I lean in and peck my lips against his, warm tears escape my eyes. Clearing my throat, I prepare to go. Austin hesitates, waiting to see if I'll need one more kiss. I turn to leave and he reaches out to grab ahold of my wrist.

"Erin," he says. "I'm in love with you."

He's so confident when he speaks the confession, and I can't help but wonder how long he's been so sure of this. Then it hits me, all of the times we've been intimate there was always something there. He'd look down at me with words in his eyes that his tongue was too shy to say until now. I've been feeling it too I'm certain, that's why my stomach is in knots right now. I'm smiling, and more tears are beginning to fall but just as I try and tell him how I feel, a voice calls over the intercom for my flight number. In a hurry, I glance over my shoulder and then back to Austin.

"That's me." I blurt, pointing to the boarding area. He watches me walk away from him and towards my plane to Switzerland. When I reach the boarding gate, I turn in a circle in search for Austin. He is no longer standing where I'd last seen him. Frantically, my eyes search as far as they can see. His sandy blonde hair catches my attention and he's further out than I'd expected.

"Austin!" I yell across the airport like a lunatic. People everywhere begin to turn and stare, and when I see that Austin didn't hear me, I start to panic. Again, I shout his name and this time he turns to look at me.

"I'm in love with you too!" I add.

From across the airport, I can see his shining blue eyes soften. Someone taps on my shoulder and I turn to see a flight attendant staring at me. She tells me that I must board the plane now, because I'm holding up the people who are trying to board behind me. I can see the annoyance clear as day in her eyes, but I couldn't care less.

I love him.

Best of all, he feels the same way.