The Epitome (Ep-ih-tome) Of Epicness

Gingers and Vans (With Guns).... Of EPICNESS

I silently drove the neon pink punch buggy down the road. It being night time, the road was nearly empty- which was probably a good thing since I'm not the best driver around... well what do you expect? I'm only fourteen...

Anyways, after driving Cassandra's previous car off a cliff into the ocean (I swear, I had a good purpose...) about a year ago, I decided it was high time to get her a new one- hence the highly fashionable and neon specimen I'm driving around in. However, I found myself quite lost. I'm not surprised since I always was bad at directions. I crept slowly by a small, deserted park- well semi-deserted. I spotted a lone figure sitting on a swing, staring at the buggy.

"Yo, want some candy?" I called out to them, with a smile.

"CANDY? OF COURSE!" She yelled in a high pitched, girly voice.

"WELL STOP JUST STANDING THERE YOU QUAIL AND COME GET IT!" I shouted back. She ran over to the car, stopping next to my window.

"Hey where'd you get this sick ride?" She asked, resting her elbows on the window opening.

"From a friend," I said with a shrug.

"Ah, of course. Well can Henry and I ride with you?" She asked.

"Of course, my master monologuer! It wouldn't be a girls night without the girls!" I said. Now if you haven't guessed by now, the person was Erica and YOU my friend, are a fail- as complete as they come.

"So what you been up to?" I asked, keeping my eyes firmly on the road.

"You know, the usual. Zoning out in the park, raising baby quails, scaring off the locals, winning," She said airily, slowly stroking Henry who was... purring? Weird. She added, "did you happen to see Willow today?"

"Naw, haven't seen her in a while- been too busy with my latest conquest," I said, trying to remember when I last saw her.

"Weird... hey look! Is that Mr. Freedman?" Erica asked suddenly, pointing out the window to a figure coming out of the woods. I parked the car on the edge of the street- parallel parking I think it's called- and grabbed my small purple handgun from where I stashed it under the seat earlier when I had bought it (it came with the car at a discounted rate). Mr. Freedman was staring at the woods, quite creepily. His stare would rival Erica's any day.

"I KNEW IT!!!!! HE'S AN N.I.T (NINJA IN TRAINING)," Erica said, "I COULD SENSE IT!"

"With what?" I asked, amused.

"MY POTATO RADAR! DUH!"

"Explains SO much," I muttered.

I got out of the car quietly, softly melting into the shadows. I spoke, making my voice come across a lot deeper than normal.

"TURN AROUND SLOWLY AND PUT YO HANDS IN THE AIR!" I called out, pretending to be a police officer. He whipped round, fear clear in his eyes. It was was only now that I realized he was holding a shotgun.

"WHO'S THERE?" He called out in vain. Like I would answer that... psh... people these days.

"PUT YO WEAPON DOWN,"  I called, raising mine, "I WILL SHOOT!"

"SO WILL I!"

"Ah, but you can't see me and I can see you!" I taunted. He faltered, knowing I was right.

"I'LL SHOOT THE BIRD!" He shouted, pulling a small quail out of his pocket.

"NOT PHIL!" I shouted. I pulled Fluffy out of my pocket.

"Fluffy, RETRIEVE!" I commanded. Fluffy flew out of the shadows and spun around, coming up from behind Mr. Freedman and snatching Phil away. Erica came flying out of the car, catching Phil as he was dropped by Fluffy into her hands. She raised him to her ear and started muttering to him.

"What happened?"

"Ah, I see."

"Who caught you?"

"Where is she?"

"HE DID WHAT?" The last one came out as a shout and she turned to Mr. Freedman.

"LEAH HE'S HUNTING SUPERNATURALS!" She shouted, glaring at Mr. Freedman.

"What are supernaturals?" I asked stupidly before it clicked, "OH YOU MEAN LIKE US?"

"Way to just shout it out Leah," Erica muttered, "Yes, like us! I mean. normal people don't molt awesomeness, do they?"

"Well..."

"LEAH!"

"No, I guess they don't..." I sighed and looked at Erica, tucking Fluffy safely into my pocket.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" I asked.

"Only if you're thinking I have no idea what she's thinking. If so, then yes."

"We need Cassandra," I said, "OOOOHHHHH CASSANDRA!!!! OLLI OLLI OXENFREE!"

"What's up guys?" Cassandra said, appearing next to us. She turned noticing Mr. Freedman, " 'Sup Professor Dickhead?"

"He's out to destroy supernaturals and we're trying to stop him," I said, "How's your day been?"

"Pretty good... I killed Joe with my Dr Pepper so that was disappointing, so now I need to find a new ginger friend."

"Hmmm... well good luck finding one as amazing as Joe," Erica said,"I can't believe you killed my favorite ginger!"

"It wasn't entirely my fault! The hobos had something to do with it!"

"You hung out with the hobos without me? What kind of a friend are you?"

"GUYS! WE HAVE BIGGER PROBLEMS AT THE MOMENT!" I yelled at them.

"Woah, Leah, you just sounded serious," Erica said.

"Are you all right?" Cassandra asked, feeling my forehead.

"Do you need to lie down?"

"Or rest?"

"Or have a piece of awesome?" Erica asked, pulling out a shard of her molted awesomeness.

"I'm fine guys, now what do we do about him?"

"I HAS AN IDEA!" Erica said, flourishing her hands dramatically before turning to Mr. Freedman.

"What color was your hair originally?" She asked.

"Wh-what are you talking about, this is my hair," he said, nervously patting down his black hair.

"Please, Mr. F, we ALL know that's a toupee. What color was your hair?" I asked, catching onto Erica's theory.

"Auburn, happy?"

"Very," I said with a wicked smile before turning to Cassandra.

"Does that qualify as ginger?" I asked.

"Close enough," She said, pulling out a can of Dr Pepper from her pocket and shaking it. She opened the can slowly, letting the fluid spray out toward Mr. Freedman, dousing him in the delicious liquid.

"NOOOOO!" He wailed, "Too... much... goodness.... too...little....soul...can't...handle.... I'm MELTINGGGGGGG!"

"Wow, never knew the exact effect it had on gingers..." I mused, staring at the puddle at our feet.

We stood in a slightly awkward silence that was soon broken by Erica.

"So, Leah, how 'bout that candy?"

A/N HOLA MY MINIONS!!! This chapter, was... not my best. I'm at a bit of a mind blockage at the moment and it wasn't as epic as hoped. I do not feel I did Cassandra and Erica justice, the way I wrote their characters. My corner of self-pity awaits me. Until next time...

~J3