The Diary of a Struggling Genderfluid: 2

A Pretentious Analysis

I know I said I probably wasn't going to be on but I lied oops

So I just wrote this really fucking profound essay for one of my midterms on love (which is ironic, seeing as I'm aromantic), but I kind of wanted to share it with you.

Warning, some of it is in Latin, because that's the class I needed to write it for.

Also warning: it's long. And please ignore the in text citations.

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A Pretentious Analysis: Two Blocks, Lesbia, and Catullus

      Poem 76 by Catullus is an almost heartbreaking poem about Catullus' continued struggle to disassociate himself from Lesbia. Even after he tried so hard for her and did nothing wrong to 'deserve' this pain, she still leaves him an emotional mess. Throughout the poem, he continually tries to steel himself against these feelings, putting the blame on Lesbia and trying to make himself feel better in the process.

      I found Catullus' struggle to be quite similar and connected to a modern day, minimalistic game I played called Pretentious Game. In the game, you play as a simple blue block who is in love with a pink block. In each level, the block toils to get to his love, each level harder than the next and accompanied with small sayings that spell out the story and give the block hints as to what to do. As the game seems to be coming to a close, the player begins to think that the blue block and the pink block will end up together in a cute, happy ever after style ending. However, the truth of the situation returns when, in the last level, the game ends with the blue block almost reaching the pink block before we see the blue block is too late. The pink block has already ended up with another gray block and has two tiny block children.

     While the game is extremely minimalist with a pretty simple and somewhat cliche storyline, it reminded me very profoundly of Catullus 76. At the beginning of the poem, Catullus outlines very clearly that he feels he has done no wrong towards Lesbia; in fact, he remained extremely faithful to her and treated her very well in his eyes. This is outlined when Catullus says, "siqua recordanti benefacta priora voluptas/ est homini, cum se cogitat esse pium,/ nec sanctam violasse fidem, nec foedere nullo/ divum ad fallendos numine absum homines," (Catullus 76, 1-4). He says here that he was dutiful, did not violate any trust, and did not violate any sacred contracts. In Pretentious Game, the blue block can be paralleled to Catullus. The blue block toils on, stating he will "climb any mountain, use whatever is necessary, leap cliffs, dodge fire, I will run fearless, I will find a way... or make a way" (Pretentious Game, levels 2-7). The struggles the block faced through the game represents how Catullus struggled hard to provide for Lesbia and prove his love to her, only for both Catullus and the blue block to be turned away in the end in favor of another lover.

      At the end of the poem, Catullus comes to accept the fact that Lesbia has moved on. He wishes desperately that he can just stop thinking about her, and almost seems to be wishing the best for her. "non iam illud quaero, contra me ut diligent illa,/ aut, quod non potis est, esse pudica velit:" (Catullus 76, 23-24). He says here that he doesn't wish for her to be his any longer, and isn't asking that she not move on from him anymore. This implied acceptance is mirrored in Pretentious Game in the last level. As the level begins, the words "But this is just a Pretentious Game" are written on the screen (Pretentious Game, level 18). When the blue block approaches, and the pink block is shown with the gray one at the bottom of the screen, new text comes on. "I am already too late. I've built up too much space in our Tiny World, by passing up too many chances to say how I feel" (Pretentious Game, level 18). In these words, it shows the sad acceptance of the block that, even after all of his struggles to try and get to the block he loves, what he did was not enough to win her over. Just like Catullus, the block seemed to do everything right, and yet, he ended up falling short, because there was someone who the pink block loved more.

      It seems strange to see such a strong parallel between a simple downloadable iPhone game and an ancient Latin poem. I was extremely surprised to see it. However, looking deeper, I came to realize that this is not so odd after all.

      Love is a universal theme in humanity. It existed in Catullus' time, and it exists to this day, and it won't stop existing until humanity is inevitably destroyed. Therefore, heartbreak and loss of love accompanies that theme. In modern day, many stories are even centered around the drama of love and heartbreak. So to see such a strong connection and such similar stories is not so extreme. This just goes to show how modern day is still influenced by ancient times.

      Whether a thousand years ago or a few years ago, love hasn't gone away, and it hasn't changed. In a thousand years from now, when modern society is being looked at as ancient history, love still won't have changed. The primal feeling in humans is not going away, which means these two radically different works of art can be compared in this way.

      If anything can be taken away from these two works, then it would be this: do not forget the cautions of love.

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So that's that.

Grey out. (agender a f)