The Diary of a Struggling Genderfluid: 2

Anxious about Anxiety

Hey guys.

So today was technically my first day at work. I had like a training class today, and so I had to go to a certain place to get the training.

I was extremely certain that where I was going was the right store, because I was very sure that store was the one I was told on the phone. On top of it all, I was just nervous in general, because it is my first job after all.

So I get there.

Wrong fucking store.

And I proceed to cause myself major embarrassment by going to two wrong stores before I finally got to the right one.

What a good impression.

But that's not the point. The point is is that I was crying frustrated and embarrassed tears on the way to where I needed to go, which made me even more anxious because I was late and I didn't want to look like I'd been crying.

When I got home afterward (it all went well in the end), my dad was like 'so are you done being sad now' and I was like, are you serious. On the car ride there I told you I was anxious and about how my thought process goes in my head about things when I get too anxious about them. But that wasn't even it. He's like ' I'm not a big fan of the crying. It makes me think there's something wrong'

I told him it's not like I fucking wanted to cry. I didn't. I just couldn't hold it in because I was too anxious and stupid and just ugh ugh ugh

I'm anxious he'll find out that I have waaaaaay too much anxiety, and that he'll bring me for an official diagnosed anxiety disorder. I don't want that. I can't. I can't deal with that. He doesn't need to know how I'm feeling or about all my anxiety,

I'm anxious about it.

How utterly ironic.

Markie out (demiboy)