The Diary of a Struggling Genderfluid: 2

Being Trans and in Public

Hey guys. Sorry it's been a few days. A lot's been going on, but nothing interesting enough to write about. All the cover changing is done and I really want to thank Ronnie for helping motivate me to do the change and get the covers all done. I'm really happy with it now. All my covers are aesthetic.

How have you guys been, ok? You doing well? I hope so. You're all really extremely nice people.

So, I know it's been a little while since I've posted anything actually relating to LGBT or being non-binary, but I just kind of want to rant ok?

So, yesterday I went to the mall with Ronnie, and they are so so so good about letting me borrow their jacket or hat or something when we go out to help me feel more comfortable about myself. Trust me when I say I'm extremely grateful for it, since I'd never be able to buy that stuff by myself and it really helps me to look how I want to when I go out. Even without a binder, I can pass pretty well as male or a neutral gender at least. However, it's kind of hard to ignore my tight jeans and my very obvious chest.

Anyway, not the point.

The point is, I really hate going to places like that. As I walk around, I'm pretty sure people can look at me and be like 'he- no, she,' which is like, a start I guess. But as soon as I open my big fuckin friendly mouth, everything is ruined. I wanted so badly for someone to call me 'sir' yesterday, but no. No one I talked to called me sir, no one talked to me like a sir, no one even made any effort with it. Except Ronnie, of course.

And it really irritates me that I'm so friendly and I feel obligated to talk to people when I go places. Like when I went to forever 21, the lady who was ringing me in looked really agitated and really looked like she did not want to be there. So, I complimented her tattoo on her hand, and we had a small conversation over that one and how she has others and wants more. We continued small talk through the check out, and on the way out I said 'thank you, have a good day!' and I am nearly 100 percent on her saying back 'you too miss!'

I just...

Being trans and being in public when you haven't started transitioning is really difficult, at least for me. I don't know about you guys.

Grey out. (I don't really know tbqh)