PAASA KA,SOBRA!

Chapter Twenty-five(Ighan)

"I know you never felt my love towards you,Abby.But always remember that I tried my best to love you.I tried and tried pero hindi talaga e.But when I knew you have a cancer,I should've taught myself to love you but it's too late..Hindi ko parin kasi matanggap nun kung bakit mo kami niloko ni Monica.We thought back then that you are a good friend pero nung malaman ko na kaya ako pinapunta dito sa Amerika is to marry you?Who wouldn't be mad?You made my life miserable!Kung bakit nagawa mo sa akin lahat?Bakit...? " I cried in front of her grave.Until now I still want to hear her side.To explain to me ove and over again  kasi kahit ngayon hindi ko parin matanggap.I felt like I was being fooled.Pinabilog nila ang ulo ko.Niloko.

Nung nakarating ako sa Amerika sobrang sakit ang naramdaman ko lalo nang nalaman ko na ikakasal ako kay Abigail.I never thought that it will happen.I was expecting that I would just study and after that was to manage the businesses of my father.

I never thought I would marry her.The woman I never loved.The only one I want to marry is Monica.No one else other than her.

But I had to follow my father.It was an arranged marriage between Abigail's parents and my parents.And now I know the reason why I married her.Because from the beginning since we met,nung nasa Pilipinas kami ay may gusto na siya sa akin.She admitted it all.Her mistakes.And I don't have a choice but to forgive her.I don't want to hold a grudge.I wanted to be always happy.Not causing anyone trouble.

But I failed.

I have hurt her.

Monica Kate Rivera..

Deeply..

And for that I can't forgive myself.

Abby had a favor to her mom and dad that she wanted to marry me and her parents agreed because of her condition.She has a brain cancer at alam na niya noon pa lang na may sakit siya.Brain tumor stage four and her parents wants her to be happy and give whatever she wants and that was to marry me.All along she loved me.I didn't know that our families are business partners.

I didn't know na malala na pala ang sakit niya.

Naging miserable ang pagsasama namin ni Abby pagkatapos naming ikasal.I can't just accept that I married someone I don't love.Someone that will never make me happy.When we were still together Abby seemed so happy.It never pasted in her face that she's sad instead even if we always fight,she made herself down and gave way for me.She were so understanding and has been always there for me.She never leaves me when I'm devastated.She always understand me.Kahit na alam niyang hinding hindi ko siya magawang mahalin nandiyan parin siya.

"Tanggap ko na,Ighan...na..na hindi mo ako kayang mahalin kahit kailan pero sana tanggapin mo naman ang pagmamahal ko sayo,I will always love you no matter what.Kahit araw araw mo pa akong ipagtabuyan hinding hindi kita iiwan dahil ikaw lang ang tanging nagpapasaya sa akin..."

"Kaya...kaya sana tanggapin mo ako bilang taong nagmamahal sayo.."

I can still remember what she said.I know I have caused her so much pain.Sinaktan ko siya ng sobra.Bakit ba palagi nalang ganito?Bakit palagi nalang ako iyong nananakit?Hindi ko naman pinili na saktan sila.Pero bakit ganoon?Hindi ko naman sila intensyong saktan sila pero nasasaktan sila.

One time a lot of things crossed in my mind that what if I will just simply love Abigail?What if I gave my attention that I have been keeping when she's near to me?What if I will just forget what she did to me?What if I would just forget Monica and move on?

But I can't.I can't just simply despise her like that.It can crashed my heart doing that.I maybe selfish but I don't have anything to do but to still cling onto my heart.Mahal na mahal ko si Monica na kahit magmahal ng iba ay hindi ko kaya.

I left her and she deserves an explanation.

"I'm so sorry Abby,patawarin mo ako..." , I cried in front of her while she's lying on the hospital bed.Umiling siya at bakas na bakas ang mga luha sa kanyang pisngi.I wiped it away.

"No..don't be,Ighan.Kung sino man ang dapat sisihin dito ay walang iba kundi ako.I was the one who planned this,I was so selfish..hindi ko man lang inisip na masasaktan ka...kayo ni Monica.So don't ever blame yourself.Ako dapat ang mag sorry dahil niloko ko kayo.I am a bitch here.I am the one who ruin your life...I'm so sorry..I hope you will forgive me", She cried and cried.My mom was on my side tapping my shoulder while crying too.Nandito kami sa ospital dahil biglang nawalan ng malay si Abby kanina.Hindi ko man lang alam na may sakit pala siya.Matagal na pala niyang tinatago sa akin 'to.At galit ako kasi hindi ko man lang siya natulungan,na baka may lunas pa.Na baka may iba pang paraan para mapagaling siya.I never wished this will happen to her.I can't forgive myself because of what happened.I never took care of her instead she was the one who took care of me na dapat siya naman pala ang dapat alagaan.Hindi siya nagkulang na maging asawa ko.Nandiyan siya parati para sa akin.Pero ako?

I was a jerk!!!!

She held my hand and slowly lifting it to her lips and gently kissed it na dapat ako ang gumagawa nun.I was the one who should comfort her to make her feel better pero parang wala ng pag asa pa.She slowly close her eyes at doon na ako nataranta.

"Abby?....Abby??? ...wake up please...please...don't do this to me..wag mo akong iwan,hindi ko makakaya...Abby!! ", and the hearbeat machine went straight.

Akala ko makakalimutan ko na.I realized na hindi naman pala mahirap mahalin si Abby.Ako lang itong ayaw kahit dapat noon palang binigay ko na sa kanya ang pagmamahal.Pero bakit hindi nangyari iyon?Is there a reason why?Kasi hindi ko alam kong bakit hindi ko naibigay iyon.Ako ang may malaking pagkukulang sa kanya.

''Tama na yan,I'm sure Abby won't be happy seeing you are like that," I turned back and I saw her.Hindi ko namalayan na ang dami palang luha ang naiyak ko.Buti nalang walang masyadong tao dito sa memorial park.I smiled at her.

"Hindi ko lang kasi maintindihan,kung bakit pa kailangan mangyari to.." she still as the same as she was before.It's just that she became more mature at lalong mas gumanda.

She smiled.Even the way she smile still as cute as before.

"Things happens for a reason.You maybe not know it but soon you'll find out.God has a plan for all of us.His plan is too way different from our plans so don't cry kasi para ka ng bakla diyan," napatawa ako sa sinabi niya.Kahit noon palang palagi niya na akong sinasabihang bakla pero palagi naman akong hinahalikan.Malaki kaya muscles ko at may abs pa.Ang hot ko kaya.

"Tara na nga,ang dami mong sinasabi,o nga pala Janica,where's your husband?"

"He's at work.Alam mo naman yun,hardworking masyado na kahit Sunday ay hindi pinatawad pero uuwi daw siya mamaya kasi wedding Anniversary namin" kinikilig siya habang sinasabi niya yun.Ginulo ko ang buhok niya at panay naman ang ilag niya.

At naaalala ko si Monica.I used to annoy her...