Forgive and forget l.h ≪book 2≫

Chapter 16

Violets POV

I don't blame Luke.

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I now understand why he hated me always being unhappy.

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Now I hate being unhappy.

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But I can't be happy.

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I hate myself.

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I can't stand to look at my own face.

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I let out a shaky breath, and look at my wrist. 21 cuts, but I have more than 21 scars. More than 21 problems. More than 21 reasons why I hate myself.

I stand up, and wash the it away. Not the pain, and sadly not the truth.

I look at myself in the mirror. I quickly look down, than back up again.

I look at myself. I look at what Luke meant. The sadness in my eyes, and the boring frown on my face. But I didn't get what he loved about me.

I look at my fading hair which I might as well bleach back to my natural color. It just looks ugly now.

I wonder what color hair Michael has now. Maybe Blonde, or Black. Maybe even green. You never know what he's going to do.

Stop

They forgot about you, so you forget about them

How can I forget?

They were my family when my parents didn't want to be. My dad was an abusive drunk, and I don't know where the hell my mom went. She didn't even want to be my mother for gods sakes.

I quickly get dressed in my uniform.

I got a job at a coffee shop nearby, and I do get a good amount of money because I'm the only nice one there. More tips for me.

I pull on my black converse, and walk out the door to my car. I start it, and head to work. As I turn on the radio, I hear "She's Kinda Hot" play. I quickly change the station, and sigh.

I walk into my work, and my boss, Liz, is serving a customer.

"Hey, V. You're a little early." She says, and I nod.

She's a laid back boss, and young too. She's 22, and is really pretty if you ask me.

I head back to see Alex, and he just spilt coffee on himself. He quickly grabs napkins, and waves to me.

I get to the register, and wait till a guy comes up.

"Good morning, I'm Violet. What can I get you?"

"Brayden, and can I just get a black coffee?" He asks, and I quickly get that for him.

I hand him his coffee, and he hands me the money.

"So, your name is Violet? Like the color?" He asks me.

"Yeah. It was my moms favorite color, and she just had to be weird and name me that." I say, and he nods. He walks away, and I notice he gave me a little extra money. I was about to tell him, but he was gone.

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I jump onto the couch, and start to get comfy. Then I just had to get a phone call.

I look at the caller ID, and I decide to ignore it. I don't want to talk to Ashton. Or Michael, or Calum, or Luke.

After 5 minutes of him calling me in a row, I finally get pissed enough to answer.

"What?" I asked angrily.

"Ok. Just because you cheated on Luke doesn't mean y-"

I hung up the phone, and just sat there. Just thinking.

I go on Twitter, and no surprise to me is to see Luke on my feed.

'I didn't realize it hurt till after it was said.'

Jesus. Grow some balls, asshole.

You still love him.

No.

He doesn't love you.

You ruined it.

Ruined what?

The relationship, yourself, your family, your friends. Ruined because of you.

"Just shut up!" I screamed, and grabbed my head.

Before I knew it, I was in the bathroom again. Cold tile floor, and the cold metal against my skin.

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He doesn't love you anymore.

He never did.

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Just go deeper.

No.

It'll help

Trust me.

I don't need help.

It'll make you happy.

It'll make me happy, but not Luke. Not my parents. Not Sam. Not Ashton. Not Calum or Michael. Maybe not even me.

It never made me happy.

It only gave me a little sanity for a few minutes, and then it was back to being sad. It never helped, and it never will.

But I know one thing.

I did ruin everything, but doing this won't make it go away. It won't make it disappear, or make it better. I just made it worse.

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I'll allow you to cry

Ok stop

I don't like hurting people

I love you guys

And I give you the permission to kill me

But then I wouldn't be able to finish the book

;-)

I love you guys♡