disconnected / l.r.h

13❤️

1738ftharry

Adrianna

I couldn't do this. My emotions took over my actions and I found myself running up the stairs of my house to my bed to cry into it.

I've cried myself a river and even built myself a bridge but I slipped and fell in, and without him to save me, I drowned.

And once the tears fell, they didn't stop.

I never knew how much I actually loved him until I wanted to kill myself. He's the reason I didn't. I thought about how I'd spend the rest of eternity without him, and the thought scares the hell out of me. But now I'm living my worst nightmare, which basically files me for a fucking insane person. How I loved him but didn't want to be with him. I just couldn't explain it and understand myself and it made me so frustrated and worse.

He loves me, I love him. Why couldn't it be just like that. Why are there walls separating us- making it harder for us to live. I didn't want this, fuck he didn't want this either. I just don't get it.

Actions speak louder than words right? Maybe if I kiss him and then slap him across the face he'd understand my pain. Wow I'm ridiculous. Oh god Luke, please just make the pain go away.

"Answer your phone god dammit!" I sobbed out loud and threw my phone onto the bed. I shouldn't have reacted like that when he told me he love me. I should have crashed my lips into his so he knew how I felt. I fucked up and I'm the one who has the price to pay.

The music and flashing lights from the party that is still occurring right now is getting to my head. I needed to escape.. But where?

**** 1 day later ****

"That sundress is beautiful, you'll look great!" The cashier tells me, I thank her but my thoughts are about Luke.

When we texted some more yesterday, we decided on having a picnic in my backyard at my flat, my specialty since we were on weird terms lately.

He told me that he didn't have a concert, interview, or anything else to do, one of his rare evenings off. 

"Thank you, have a nice day," the cashier says in a bored fashion, and with a start, I realize that they've finished checking me out and she bagged my dress and sandals.

Exiting to my holding up auto in the parking garage, regardless I can't resist the urge to hold my head down, pulling the hood of my coat up over my head. On the off chance that I need to survive having Luke over without being seen. I have to keep myself concealed.

-

I snicker and shake my head in the wake of listening to the doorbell ring, cushioning over and pulling the said item open to uncover a head of blonde hair and a splendid grin.

"Hello Luke," I can't help but smile in return, stepping back to let him inside.

Luke gives me a nod and scrapes his feet kindly against the porch mat before stepping inside.

"Hi Waverly," he says brightly.

"You look nice," I compliment; admiring his choice of clothing.

"Just for you," Luke teases. "So are you ready for our picnic?"

"Yeah, I'd say I am," I answer, sitting down next to him on the sofa.

I can tell, glancing at Luke, that he's wondering what I'm thinking. I can tell he's just unsure of whether to say anything or not.

"So how's the album promo? Planning another tour yet or is the media taking over once again?" I chuckle and realize my last choice of words weren't appropriate. Luke sighs and giggled. "Eh, if we go on tour I'm dragging you along."

He seems to always get touchy when I relate things to his fame. Well the bad things, I can guess that it's because people treat him different because of that, or at least they try to. He just wants to be like everyone else.

"Sorry," I say. "I know you probably don't want to be treated like a famous person would be. You just want to be normal and I'm not helping that... sorry."

His frown relaxes as his lips turn up in a smile again. Not soon after he does, a series of beeps sound from my phone timer, I was heating up some Italian bread for our sandwiches.

"I'm assuming we can start our picnic?"

"You'd be assuming right," I jump up and drag him into the kitchen, I wanted to make his sandwich, he wanted to make mine.
-
-
"Well then food critic, let's have it," I prompt.

He chuckles before grinning devilishly. "Well... excellent job. You know, I'm not really used to good cooking, being around the boys all the time. None of them seem to be able to cook for shit, myself included. So thank you for this lunch, love,"

I only find myself smiling wider, trying to imagine Luke and the rest of 5sos panicking as they attempt to cook even something so little.

"Come on," I roll my eyes playfully, leading him back inside to my room. He plops on my bed, Luke suddenly clears his throat, seeming a bit awkward and nervous all of a sudden. "Can I ask you something, Waverly?" He says, watching me carefully as he sits up.

I have a feeling in my gut that this is heading straight back to the topic of us. "Sure, what?" pops out of my mouth and I scrunch my nose.

Luke takes a deep breath as if he's readying himself for something huge, something that could potentially wreck our friendship... or whatever it is that we have. I'd like to consider it a friendship at least.

"Are you willing to be with me? Again?" He says. "Even with all the paps and craziness?" He looks at me with fonded eyes and I felt my cheeks flush.

Even with my suspicions being confirmed, I find myself only able to blink for a moment. "What?"

"You don't have to," he says quickly, trying to backtrack. "I know that it must be hard, but I was just wondering what with all the rumors going around in papers and media and whatnot. God, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"

"Luke."

He stops, looking at me with an expression that's a mix between concerned, nervous, and almost pained. Though I feel that on anyone else it would just be strange, on him I find it somehow endearing.

"Yes," I sigh, looking up in his eyes. "It'll be difficult, but yes I would love to be with you, Luke.."

Luke bites his lip and remains silent. I can tell he's trying not to push me too far, still giving me the chance to backtrack if I want. But I saw him grin from the top of my eye as I looked at the ground. He took my hand and locked it with his.

"I'm sorry about the rumors."

"Don't,"