Never Felt Right Calling This Just Friends (Taylex)

Chapter Four

My face collided with the pillow in my bunk, and I sobbed, crying my heart out because of some guy. It sounded pathetic, but I couldn't stop.

I'd never been like this before, not with a guy, I'd never cried until there were no tears left over something before. But Alex was different.

I shook it off. He was no different to any other guy. They were all the same. As soon as they get scared they dismiss how they feel, and let the girl take the blame and feel the pain that they had so obviously caused. The girl ends up a shadow of herself. But I'll never be like that.

It was clear I was trying to shake off the feeling of defeat, but it was not working. I was defeated, I had started to fall for him the moment I laid my eyes on him, and where had that left me? On a bus, driving to the last show of the tour, on my own, crying into a pillow.

I couldn't believe I had fallen for his façade, and for all his lies. He didn't think I was pretty, I was just a toy, I was just someone that was to be used when he felt like it. I didn't to be that. I didn't want to be that person. I was worth more than that. Or was I just lying to myself? Was I really worth more than that?

It meant "nothing".

My breath hitched in my throat and I cried harder.

Nothing.

That's all I was to him. That's all I'll ever be. Just some girl he toured with and kissed when he was drunk. Every word he said to me was slurred, he was obviously under the influence, yet I believed him, like the fool I was.

'Idiot.' I whispered to myself after I caught my breath back. I was an absolute idiot. He had played me, and I was so drunk with passion and lust that I believed him, and I wanted to be with him. I knew it could never become reality, he was already in a relationship. His deep brown eyes had pulled me in, and I couldn't escape. I was trapped with my thoughts, alone on this bus for another seven hours, thoughts of him dancing through my mind, and as quick as they came, they went, like the life of a butterfly.

Short but sweet.

I played back every memory I had of him. Playing on stage, and seeing him daydreaming backstage before he went on. He was beautiful but ice cold, just like a picturesque winter forest. I couldn't believe him, I had trusted him but he had destroyed every bit of trust I had for him. I respected him, and that was gone too. There was nothing left that I felt for Alex, except an ache in my heart that whispers 'I love you.' much to my dismay. He caused all of this trauma.

He knew he was using me, he knew he was going to hurt me, but he didn't mind because he wanted to get back at his girlfriend.

And I let myself get caught up in that. I let myself fall.

Falling was the best part. The worst was now, hitting the ground hard like a teardrop. Yet unlike a teardrop it couldn't just be wiped away. I had to do something, but I didn't know what...

Get out? I could do that. There was only one more day of this once amazing tour left. I could get through that. I could avoid him. He probably wouldn't remember anyway.

After all, I meant nothing.