Reminiscence

She Was

She was just here, sitting near the window frame, staring blankly ahead at the open space. Curiously thinking of what she did wrong. Of what happened to her life. Reminiscing the past with regrets. With brokeness towards the unknown.

She was once a girl with a headband of flowers, towering people who never gave her hours of acknowlegement. With her jumpers on and pigtails on her hair. With nothing to despair.

She was once full of vibrancy and happiness glowed from within her. She was always smiling and nothing seemed to bother her. She was always a blissful ray of sunshine for everyone to see.

She was once so innocent and carefree, She never thought about anything that would sadden her. She was so peaceful. So joyous. She thought no one could ever take that joy away from her.

She was once an intelligent and cynical human soul. No one even dared to hurt the turmoils insides of her. She displayed her emotions with no barriers. With no borders.

She was once artistic and creative, with paint smeared on her clothes and a canvas of bottled up emotions. The essence of art amused her. It used to be her escape, it became a part of the person who she used to be.

Now, her skin became the canvas and red was her favourite colour. Razors and knives were her paintbrushes. Different art styles, different pains. No matter the sunshine, it still rains.

Now she is filled with the demons that haunt her from yesterday, demons that seem to enjoy her agony. She was trapped way deep down inside of the abyss she created. Depression, anxiety, insomia. They became her bestfriends. She wondered when it will end.

The little girl she used to be was no where to be found. She became a young lady who despised the world and beyond. She asks herself when will everything disappear. If this sudden feeling will soon vanish and never reappear.

She was walking with her head down. Eyes on her shoes. Didn't cared if she stumbled or fall.

Nevermind the judgemental eyes staring at her. Nevermind the gossiping mouths talking about her. Nevermind the curious ears who beg to hear about her. Nevermind the people who do not care about her.

Nevermind her existence, she's not important they say. She's just broken they say. She'll move on it's just a phase. She will be okay. Everything will be okay. But it's not.

She gave up. A long time ago, she gave up. She was once full on sunshines and rainbows but now she was filled with depressions and sorrows.

She just wishes to become the little girl she used to be rather than the young lady she turned out to be.