Reminiscence

Monologue

"Pwede kayo. Ayaw niyo lang. Hindi kayo sina Klare at Elijah. Kayo si Andreau at Zade."

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           Napagtanto ko na may pag asang maging kayo pero madaming hadlang dito. Hindi tao kundi, ang pagkakaibigan at ang paniniwala...

           Matagal na talaga kayong magkaibigan. Simula noon pa man, kasama niyo na ako. There was a possibility to fall for the other and yes it did happened. It happened almost four years from now... Four years when one regretted a decision he made. Four years ago, that you were on the verge of falling apart. Both of you almost drifted away, you didn't dared to hold on. Even just a little while, you reacted upon impulse, your irrational decisions almost ruined a perfectly good friendship.

          And what happened after that? Chaos yet it was still settled. Naayos niyo pa rin ang inyong pagkakaibigan. Mas naging close kayo, some even thought that both of you had a thing going on. But you never mind them. Their gossips and rumors. You focused on what made you happy.

          Dumaan ang mga taon at ganoon pa rin, you push aside the thoughts of you and him being together in a non platonic way. You settle for friendship because it is safer. Hindi ito mawawala. Alam niyong hindi mawawala ang friendship niyong dalawa. If you pursue a romantic relationship then well, you have no assurance. Of what might happen and what will be the consequences of both of your actions. Kaya you chose the former. The safer. The more essential. And it hurts.

           It hurts to accept the truth, that yes you can both be non platonic but it terrifies the both of you because you have been there and than that. You suffered the results of a heartbreaking decisions. Both of you shattered your heart in the process. You almost parted ways. And that was the saddest part of our lives. Now you didn't want to repeat the same mistakes you dis four years ago.

            What if walang natakot? What if tumuloy ang pagiging non platonic? What if the ship sailed smoothly? What if? These are the thoughts that crept my brain, thinking about the what if that you both could have had instead it did not. It did not happen. Yes you're still bestfriends... But you can't deny that the other is falling and the other will not be there to prevent the fall. He cannot catch her. He couldn't catch her. He knows that he can never catch her.

           You got scared. He got scared. Pareho kayong natakot sa patutunguhan ng non platonic what if niyo. You didn't dare to take the risk because the risks were too high and at stake. You'd rather be bestfriends than almost lovers (diba?) but then, still, di niyo mapipigilan ang inyong nararamdaman. Sooner or later something might happen and then pooof we do not know what the result may be. Possitive or negative. Platonic or Not. Both of you are scared to confess. Scared to even acknowledge the fact that both of you are falling. And both of you couldn't catch the other. You were to busy with your fears that you didn't realize that some how both of you felt the same way. You were still in denial. The denying game is strong. You still push the thoughts of non platonic shite away.

           So I clutch to this faint hope that someday both of you would end up together and if God is willing oh if it is God's will, then be it. I will hold on to that faint spark of hope and just pray to the Lord.

           But what if... You were not meant for each other? (another side of what ifs). What if you were just set to meet and bump into each other? You weren't fated to be partners. What if you were just passing by? You weren't a constant thing in his life?

          These what ifs are killing the insides of me. It's just that pag naging kayo, we will support you. We will be there every step of the way. But it's your decision to make so... Yeah.

         You will still be the weird yet extraordinary best friends that we know. Kung ano man ang mangyari in the future. Who knows na man diba maybe this is just a fleeting feeling, a phase? Maybe mawala diba? Pero who knows... God only knows. Siya lang ang may alam kung ano talaga kayo para sa isa't isa. So we clutch and hope for that spark. The spark of feelings, of friendships, of heartbreaks, of everything.

            Maybe it's not the right time yet. Maybe in another dimension you may happen. Maybe not now. Maybe not tomorrow. Maybe in another life. Maybe in another place. Maybe in God's grace, both of you can happen. But not today. But someday.

           I'd rather see you become the best of friends for centuries and lightyears rather than seeing the both of you cry because of the almost lovers that you became.

             Please don't become each other's almost. I hope you become each other's worth the trouble. If it's not fated then so be it, but what if it is. Your story won't end soon. That's for sure.

           Will the ship sink or it sail?