Reminiscence

His Almost [Zadreau]

Ficlet: What if si Kesh talaga ang gusto ni Andreau? AU

Here it goes then...

-

Ang tagal naman ni Andreau. Jusko matutunaw na lang ang ice-latte ko sa kahihintay sa kanya. What is taking him so long? I texted him a few times but he didn't reply. Kapag ako naiinis sakanya sisirain ko talaga ang baby niya. Kahit na brown yung jeep niya.

I was supposed to finished my reaction paper na ipapass sa terror prof namin bukas. But heck I sacrificed it for him. He said it was urgent and important.

I sighed. Zades naman kasi, ito na ba ang epekto sa'yo ni Francisco. Ganito na ba talaga kapag mahal mo na? Kahit anong gusto niya pagbibigyan mo. Hay Zades. Instead of mopping around I called him. he answered on the fifth ring.

"Hoy Francisco pag hindi ka pa dadating within 5 minutes aalis na ako bahala ka sa buhay mo!" He laughed at me. Great.

"Hoy ka rin Zades, would you just chill. Malapit na ako. Malapit na talaga ako."

"Kailangan ko pang tapusin yung paper ko bakit ba ang tagal mo?" Tatayo na sana ako para tignan kung nandito na ba siya. But I was startled when someone covered my eyes with his hand. I felt tingles down my neck when he whispered greetings in my ear.

"Hi Zades, I told you na malapit na ako diba?" Then oh god, he flashed that smile. Bakit iba ang epekto mo sa akin Andreau? Bakit ako nagkakaganito dahil sayo? I really am a love struck fool.

"Ano ba talaga itong 'important and urgent' matter mo ha, Francisco? Ikaw pa ang na late sa ating dalawa." I shot him an angry look but he just brushed it off. He knows that I can't get mad at him.

He suddenly smiled liked he remembered something wonderful. "I'm just happy Zades, can't you be happy for me?" Bigla akong kinabahan. Parang nanlumo ako bigla.

"Andreau, what exactly happened?" I cautiously asked. Either way, I know that in the end, I will still lose this game.

"Do you still remember that girl that I was talking about last month?" He asked, I nodded.

"Well, Zades, I finally had the guts to ask her out! Isn't that great? Finally I can have my chance with her. Masaya lang talaga ako ngayon and ayaw kong itago sa iyo 'to. I'm your bestfriend right? You'll support me right Zades?" I can't comprehend all his words just yet. I just know for sure that I can hear the sound of my heart, faint but still audible. I just smiled and nodded, support him? Yeah. Support him.

Without my voice breaking, I dared to ask, "So Andreau, who's the unlucky girl?" Is smile grew even wider that you could expect. Halata lang na mahal niya yung babae. Mahal na mahal.

"She's right here." He said.

Nilingon ko ang aming paligid pero kaming dalawa lang ang nandito pati isang matandang couple sa likod. "Ako ba ang niloloko mo, Andreau?"

"She's here, Kesh, lumabas ka na!"

Wait, what?

Kesh?

Slowly approaching table was Kesh, my best friend. Si Kesh. I was dumbfounded when Andreau approached her and kissed her cheek. Tears were slowly forming, at gusto ko nang umiyak.

"Hi Zades! I am so sorry kung hindi ko sinabi sa 'yo. It was just overwhelming kasi. But atleast ngayon alam mo na."

Tumulo ang luha ko and they were confused and shock. Andreau stared at me mysteriously. "Oh, masaya lang ako para sa inyo, don't worry. Two of my bestfriends! Wow, alam na ba 'to ni Dan?" They both nodded.

"Anong sinabi niya?" I asked.

"He cried too. Saying that he's happy for us." Kesh answered. I need to talk to Dan. How dense can these two be?

And I'm just here, sitting in front of him, watching him falling in love with my best friend. And god that hurts too much. "Guys, una na ako ha. Kailangan ko pa kasing tapusin yung paper ko para bukas. Kaya I really need to go. I wish both of you all the best." Niyakap ko muna si Kesh. Sobrang higpit na gusto kong umiyak sa harap niya.

Then I hugged him. Yakap na puno ng sakit at pait. "Take good care of her Francisco ha? Break her heart, ako ang haharapin mo." I whispered.

"Noted Zades." After all these happenings he still had the guts to flash me his mysterious smile. That I will never get to know the meaning behind it.

And with that I left the both of them inside.

-

"Dan, saan ka na?" I called Roldan while I'm on my way outside.

"Bakit Zades? Nalaman mo na rin ba?" I tried to stop myself from crying and I managed. Nakakahiya na kasi kanina pa ako pinagtitinginan ng mga tao. "Oo, bago lang. Saan ka? We need to talk."

"Fine punta ka sa may starbucks. I don't want to go to Cafe Feliz."

"Alright on my way. Please don't do anything stupid, Dan." I sighed. When I arrived, I saw him sitting alone in the corner. Walang kibo. Malalim ang iniisip. I know what he feels. We both feel the same. Niyakap ko siya and he started to tear up.

"Bakit ganoon, Zades? Akala ko ako. Akala ko ako ang mahal niya. Pero mali pala. All this time her mystery guy was Andreau. Isang malaking sampal 'yon para sa akin, Zades. Masakit lang kasi na inakala mo na ikaw, pero hindi pala. Iba pala. I was really confident that she loves me. Hanggang akala ko lang pala, in the end Andreau got her heart."

Kumalma muna ako ng kaunti. I know that Dan likes Kesh. But hindi ko inakala na ganito pala kalalim. All this time I thought na wala lag yun pala hindi. Dan tried to smile but failed. "Si Andreau rin, akala ko ikaw yung babaeng tinutukoy niya. Fuck you two are perfect for each other. Fuck him for being dense. I know you like him Zades, don't even try to deny it."

I smiled. "Paasa rin si Andreau. Ang sakit. Lahat ng sweet gestures niya wala lang para sa akin. Akala ko normal lang yung mga ginagawa niya. Nasanay na rin ako Dan eh. We were so close. So close to be something pero wala. Hindi natuloy. Kasi natakot ako Dan. Natakot ako na baka one day. Pag naging kami nga, magiging mahirap pag maghiwalay kami. Mahirap pag ma fall-out of love, Dan. And I can't risk our solid diamond friendship for that. Di ko pa kaya."

Saglit siyang tumahimik. "What if umamin pala ako kay Kesh, nung una pa lang Zades? Would things turn out like this?" Umiling ako.

"I don't think so, Dan. If things were different I could picture the both of us so happy. But life is a bitch. We can't always have what we want. All we can do now is support them. In the end they are still our friends. All we can do is be happy for them. Even when it hurts, Dan."

He just nodded and stared outside the window.

Andreau, I wished I told you how I felt before. Masakit kasi hindi mo na gagawin yung mga bagay na nakasanayan natin dati. May girlfriend ka na. I will be happy for you. Even when it breaks me to pieces.

I guess we'll always remain as almosts. We were almost there. You were almost mine. I was almost yours. We were almost meant for each other. But I guess almost will never be enough.

It will never be.

I don't want to be his almost. And yet I became... his almost.