Don't Go [Muke Clemmings]

Chapter Thirty Three

WARNING: this chapter contains some sexual content. if you would like to skip it, stop at the ***** and continue at the next *****.

1 month 2 days

Luke

So. Just over a month. I'm scared. I know I said I'm ready but I'm scared. I miss Luke. God, I'm an idiot. And after I die, I'll have to come back as a ghost to Luke's past, so he'll never see me again, but I'll see him. That's not fair.
Maybe I should see if he wants to get back together. I mean, we're still friends, so maybe he'll give me another chance?

Yeah right.

Luke, I know you can see this. When we broke up I sort of lost my right to keep this from you. I know you're going to read it at some point. If you want to get back together, just call. I'll even let you--you know. Just... please, come back. I was stupid.

In my opinion he was being more stupid right now than he was when he dumped me. Offering sex made it worse. If I accepted his plea because of this, that would make me a terrible person.

I got ready to go over to his house and tell him no. I wasn't going to be tossed around like a chewtoy, there when he needed something to bite but across the yard a minute later. Even though that's exactly what I'd done to him.

When I knocked on the door, he was there in half a second. He moved to kiss me but I backed away. "I'm sorry Michael, but no. You don't have to feel guilty for leaving, but going back and forth will just hurt me more in the long run. Please, just let me be a friend."

"One more kiss?" He asked with puppy eyes.

I chuckled. "Fine."

I leaned in and he met me in the middle, and he kissed me more passionately than ever before, even grabbing my ass. He kissed my cheek and then my neck, and finally whispered in my ear, "fûck me, Luke."

"What?" I pushed him away as gently as I could while still getting him off of me. "No. This is not going to happen. I'm sorry. I'm not going to be seduced into coming back to help you feel better about dumping me. I'm not going to have sex with you, and I'm not going to stay. We can still be friends. Are we friends?"

"No."

0 days

Michael

This was it. This was the day. Why was I not dying? Wait. I had been writing.

I couldn't stop the inevitable, so I took out my diary and my pen, and started to write.

I'm going to die today, at least that's what the diary says. I wasn't supposed to read it, but I did. Surprisingly, I'm almost okay with that. I've survived almost ten years since I made my list, and I've done all of them. I'm only almost okay with it, though, because, well... I finally fell in love, and I screwed it up. It took me about 8 years just to make friends, and I screwed that up too.

My heart rate was slowing, but I continued to write. It was my time, I was ready. Or was I?

I don't know what's going to happen, then, because Luke says I went back to see a younger him before I came along, an untainted Luke who's never been broken. I'm not ready to see that. I don't want to d

"Michael!" Luke yelled from my bedroom door. I turned around to look at him and shut my book. That had made my heart start again, but it was slowing down again. It was slowing down... rapidly... "Michael, can you hear me?"

Suddenly I remembered everything. I saw Luke in his mid-teens, smoking pot in the bathroom and being scared shitless when he saw that I was in there. I saw the fringe, I saw the mostly-internal homophobia. I saw Luke, not untainted, not innocent, and completely broken. I saw apathy and felt sympathy, but it was all a memory. It wasn't happening right now. What was right now? Right now, I was... with Luke. "Can you hear me?" he asked, tears streaming down his face. Relief sweeped across his face as I slowly nodded. My heart was barely beating; in fact, I think it had stopped and only just restarted. I didn't have enough oxygen in my brain to form words. He ran over to me and shook me. "You're not gonna do this, not now. I love you too much. Did you hear that? I love you."