Don't Go [Muke Clemmings]

Chapter Twenty

Michael

"It's all right," I whispered in Jamie's ear for what seemed like the 100th time that night. She just wouldn't stop crying.

"No, it's not, Michael, wait until someone you love dies," she spat and in that moment, I finally realized how selfish I was.

It wasn't that I didn't deserve friends, even bullies deserve friends and I most definitely wasn't a bully, but maybe it would be better if I didn't. After all, I was just going to die on then anyway, probably sometime within the next five years according to my doctor, and Jamie and Luke were good people. They already had to deal with things like Sara dying and Luke's mom shunning him, they didn't need me to add to it. I had to find a way to leave their lives forever by choice before I'm forced to.

"I can't be friends with you anymore."

"Michael, I didn't mean that! Come back! I'm sorry if I offended you, but I really need you right now."

I turn back. "I'm sorry, I'm just going to hurt you even more in the end. I just don't want to risk that."

"I..."

"You what?"

"Never mind." She walked off and I didn't talk to her again.

Jamie

Well, what was I supposed to say? "I know, you died as a ghost before?" or "I know, you're going to die two weeks after your eighteenth birthday?" He would think I was crazy! I know that's not the important variable here, but it wouldn't make him want to stay, he would just call me a doctor on his way out the door.

I missed him already, but if I missed him this much two seconds after I walked away from him, alive and fine, maybe he was right. Maybe I was too dependent on him. I was dependent on everyone who ever liked me because I just wasn't used to it. Love was all I wanted since I was a little girl, so whenever I thought I finally had it, whether from a lover or a friend, I held on to it as much as I could, because I knew it could go away within a second.

I knew it just did.

Luke

"Luke."

I turned around to see Michael standing behind me in the sand. "Hey, Mikey, what's up?"

"I needed to talk to you. Why are you all the way out here?" I had traveled away from the service, a little while down the beach.

"I was tired of listening to people talk about Sara as if she was an innocent child. They made it seem like she never did anything wrong, like she never loved someone too much for her own safety."

Michael nodded. "That's the thing I needed to talk to you about, Luke. I can't be friends with you anymore."

The words pierced my heart like an icicle used as a weapon. "Why not?"

"Because I'm just going to hurt you in the end."

"Seriously, do you think I give a fûck?"

"What?"

I stood up and walked over him, taking his face into my hands. "I'm not going to let you go off on your own like that. I know that if you want to 'spare' me, you probably wanted to 'spare' Jamie too, right?" He nodded. "Then what happens to you, you think I'm just gonna leave you be and let you suffer through the rest of your life alone? No, Michael, I care too much about you to leave you for my own selfish reasons." I'm not going down that road again.

"I care about you too, Luke, that's why I have to let you go."

"Maybe you can, but I can't, because I know you need me. I know you need me, Michael, and I need you, too, even if you think you're going to d--hurt me in the end." Nice save, Luke. "I love you, Mikey." I watched his eyes light up and realized what I said, then, because I'm just an expert at hiding things (lol totally), I corrected it. "And I know Jamie loves you too."