Rejected 22 Times

Chapter 20

Quick question: Sophiam or Lophiam?

On my instagram and twitter, I have pictures of what the characters look like. Usernames are in my bio.

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Chapter 20

IMPORTANT- Make sure you read Chapter 19 before this one because something screwed up the order of the chapters.

Before either one of my parents saw me, I rushed up to my room. As soon as I opened the door, I slammed it behind me, and just let out the tears that I had been holding in. The tears flowed down my cheek as I pressed my back against the hard, wooden door. As my balance gave out, I fell to the floor and buried my head in my arms. Using my hand, I tried to wipe away the tears that were now blurring my vision. I looked down at the black mascara that had rubbed off onto my hand, and I suddenly felt too weak to get up and grab a tissue. There I remained, laying on the floor, as my heart shattered to pieces.

My heart hurt in a way that I didn't even think was possible. Never have I felt this kind of devotion towards someone, and it was consuming me. Every day, every minute, every moment, I had spent thinking about Liam. I was drowning in a pool of broken love, and every image of him that flashed through my mind pushed me ten feet further. The current was too strong, and it kept pulling me in, but I wasn't letting it drag me under.

This feeling of complete and utter despair felt so foreign and unreal to me. No other person has ever had this effect on me. No one has ever made me cry this hard. I wasn't sure what would drown me first; this feeling that I have yet to understand or just my tears alone. How can one person do this to me? How can he have such a pull on my heart?

I don't want to be the one who is holding Liam back from his potential, no matter how bad I want him to stay. He can't know how I desperately don't want him to leave.

My thoughts flicker back to the first day that I met Liam. His chocolate brown eyes met with mine for the first time, and it felt like the whole world had stopped. Why did I have to respond so cruelly to him and ruin that moment that we had shared? Why did I ruin everything? I could have gotten to know him so much sooner, and maybe we could have started dating sooner. I could have spent more time with him before he left, but no. I finally chose to accept him two weeks before he was leaving. I am such an idiot for being too blind to see what was right in front of me the entire time.

Here I was, still laying on the floor in this broken form. Eventually, I forced myself to get up and walk over to my bed. But as soon as I got there, I laid my head against the pillow, and I knew that I wasn't going to get up anymore. Kicking my shoes off, I pulled the sheets closer to me as I tried to bury myself in them. I wanted to disappear from the rest of the world, and right here felt like the farthest place I could hide.

More thoughts of Liam began to replay in my mind, and it was just all too much. His smile. His eyes. His voice. They were all etched into my brain, and no matter how hard I tried to push them out of my mind, they just kept crawling back. My eyes were squeezed shut, and I found myself smacking my head as if that would help, but I knew that it wouldn't. So instead, I buried my face into the pillow, not caring that my mascara was probably rubbing off on it. I didn't care about the mascara. I didn't care about anything. In this moment, all I cared about was Liam.

There are just so many things that I'm going to miss about him. The goofy grin that he wears when he tries to be funny, and the look in his eyes when we accidentally make eye contact. The way he makes my heart beat out of time, and his cheeky smirk when he knows that he is the reason to get it beating.

My body felt so weak, like I couldn't even function. The pain in my chest felt even more intense, and I couldn't stop thinking about him. I just wanted it to stop. Just stop. "Stop", I murmured as I began to yawn. Maybe I was just tired. Maybe I won't feel like this tomorrow.

Sometimes, I look forward to sleeping because then, I can get away from it all. It's like an escape from reality, an escape from the torture of being left alone. My eyelids began to feel heavier, and I finally gave in as I let myself go under.

Liam POV

That's it? It's over? This didn't seem real. How could I have let her slip through my fingers like that? I had her. She was mine. And now what? She's just gone? No. She's not gone; I am.

I didn't know whether to feel devastated or upset. Standing there, staring at the door wasn't going to bring her back. Part of me wished that she would run back out here, throw her arms around me, and beg me to stay. But I knew she wouldn't do that. She wouldn't admit that she really wants me to stay, that is, if she wanted me to stay.

As I began to walk back to my house, I thought about all the reasons that I should stay. So far the only one that I cared about was the fact that Sophia was here. Ugh! Why does she do this to me? She makes me feel so... so... I don't know. I've never really been good with "expressing" my emotions, and it's hard for me to even verbalize how I really feel about her. That's why I sang to her; I really didn't know any other way to explain to her how I felt.

From the moment that I locked eyes with her for the first time, my whole world stopped. It was like everything slowed down, and I just hoped that we could both remain frozen in that moment. If only that was possible.

When I finally arrived back at my house, I didn't hesitate to run to my room. I still had the picnic basket in my hand, so I threw it down on the floor of my room, along with my jacket and converse. Usually, I would clean and organize everything before going to bed, but right now, I really didn't care.

I opened one of the drawers in my room, and pulled out another white v-neck shirt. These shirts now filled my drawers because I had bought a bunch of them during the summer. Underneath the shirt, laid one of my old plaid shirts that I hadn't worn in a while. A memory of one of the numerous times that Sophia had made a comment about these ridiculous plaid shirts flashed through my mind. The thought of it put a small smile on my face. But then, the thought of leaving Sophia replaced the previous one, and I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. Slamming the drawer shut, I removed my shirt and replaced it with the clean one in my hand. After changing into a more comfortable attire, I laid down in my bed.

I had to keep reminding myself that this is what I have wanted my whole life. But is it? Is it what I really wanted? Then again, I also wanted to stay with Sophia, and she was what I needed. I needed Sophia.

Is it even worth going? What if I don't make it? All of this pain and suffering would have been for nothing, and I would just come back to Sophia. Also, I don't think I can take being rejected by Simon Cowell again. I might as well just stay, but... I have to know. I have to know if I am good enough. I can't live the rest of my life wondering: what if?

But I love Sophia. I know I do. What else could explain this feeling I get when I see her? It's like my heart leaps inside of my chest, and I really just don't know how else to explain it.

Why must this be so confusing? I feel so torn. My head hurt from all of this overanalyzing and over-thinking, and I just wanted all the pain to go away.

This endless, internal battle began to wear on me, and I found myself struggling to keep my eyes open. Captivated by exhaustion, I finally submitted to the compulsion of sleep.

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A/N: I wanted to use both of their point-of-views so you could see how similarly and differently they both reacted.

Comment what ship name you like best and what you think of how the character's look.

PS- I sometimes call this story R22T when I am too lazy to type it all out, so I was just letting you know in case you see that.