Rejected 22 Times

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

I plastered a faulty smile on my face to hide the ache I felt inside. I tried to pretend like nothing had happened, but I was only fooling myself. The smile I forced upon my lips was like a mask that hid the truth. I might have appeared to be fine on the outside, but I was a mess on the inside. I told Alexis that I had to go home, and I had my dad pick me up early.

I can't properly explain what it felt like. My heart felt empty, and my conscious felt guilty. I wanted so desperately to talk to him, but I kept telling myself that he didn't want to listen to me. I tried to call him several times, but I was only ever greeted with the heartbreaking voice of an automated robot.

He was mad at me, and I couldn't do anything about it. I decided that trying to talk to him right now would just make it worse. I tried to lay down and relax, but I couldn't shake the thought of him thinking about how much he hated me.

That next monday, I had to force myself to get out of bed. Usually, I wouldn't mind going to school because then I could see Liam. But today, I had no motivation whatsoever to go to school. I had avoided Alexis' calls all weekend, only answering once to assure her I was alright. I wasn't particularly thrilled when I saw her, but I couldn't ignore completely her. Although she was the one to blab to Liam, whether it was unintentional or not, I was still the one who decided to make a bet on Liam.

I wasn't thinking when I agreed to that stupid bet. It was just a bet for crying out loud! Who gets that upset over a bet?

But what if he didn't really care about the bet? What if he was just sick and tired of me stringing him along down a road that would lead to nowhere? A pang of guilt exploded within me as I realized how worthless I must have made him feel. I clutched my chest, as I felt my heart grow heavier. But then, I realized that my heart actually ached.

Was there something wrong with me? Why did it hurt? Is my mind just playing tricks on me? I quickly sprang up and jumped out of bed. I shook off the feeling of guilt, and raced to the bathroom.

I stood in front of the mirror as I brushed my teeth. I stared myself down in the mirror, trying to think of a reason that Liam would ever like me. It couldn't have been my looks, but then again I still had bedhead right now. What did he see in me?

My train of thought was broken when the toothpaste dripped onto my shirt, and I realized that I had been brushing my teeth for five minutes. I raced to get ready, so that I wouldn't be late to school yet again.

When I approached my locker at school, I noticed that Liam wasn't around. He usually would meet me at my locker. At first, I thought it was annoying, but I didn't realize til' now how much it actually ment to me. He probably was avoiding me which isn't a surprise. Mia came up to me and greeted me. I mumbled a "hello", as she began to tell me a story. I pretended to listen intently, but really my mind was wandering.

"Sophia, you seem... distracted", she stated.

"I just have a lot on my mind", I answered abruptly. "I have to get to class."

I rushed past the crowd, and tried my best not to bump into people.

It wasn't until after math class had begun, that I noticed Liam was not here.

"Mr. Payne... Mr. Payne..", Mr. Stevens called out.

"He's not here", I responded as I pointed my pen towards his empty seat.

Mr. Stevens went on with his rollcall, and I went on wondering why Liam would be absent. Was he trying this hard to avoid me? Was he sick? Was he pretending to be sick to avoid me? Ok.. now I was overanalyzing the situation. I had to stop worrying and stop assuming the worst.

"He's so weird", I heard someone whisper.

"Yah, I heard that he came here because he was bullied at his old school", said a second voice.

"I wonder why", the first voice replied followed by a few snickers.

I turned around and saw two of the biggest gossips in this school "whispering" about yet another person. I figured that the first voice was coming from Millie, and the second voice was Brooke. I rolled my eyes at the sound of them gossiping. I hate-- no-- I "strongly dislike" Millie.

"Is he dating anyone?", Millie asked.

They were sitting right behind me and whispering very loudly. Were they hard of hearing or just plain stupid?

Brooke responded, "I don't know, but I think he has a crush on that one girl.. what's her name... Sophia."

I instantly froze, not wanting to turn around, but dying to hear what else they would say."

"Brooke.. shhh...." Millie said very quietly, but still audibly. They both hushed up and remained silent for the rest of the hour.

As soon as the bell rang, I ran to Chemistry. I had to get out of that classroom, and away from them. I passed by them in the hallway, and I couldn't help but give them an umbrageous look.

When I got to my next classroom, I sat down and began to search for my homework.

"Hey, Soph", Chase greeted me taking his seat. I loved how he would say hi to me everyday. Even though he was a year older than me, I still thought of him as being the same age. There weren't many older kids in our class, just a few who were "behind". I gave him a smile as the bell rang, and the teacher instructed us to turn to chapter thirteen.

Because I had my head buried in my book, I failed to notice Liam walk into the room. The class was silent as we did some bookwork, and he just slipped in. I noticed a blue tardy slip on the teacher's desk and watched as he took his seat. He didn't dare to look back at me.

I tried my best not to look at him either, but I couldn't help the quick glances. On one of the glances, he also glanced back at me. I immediately turned my head away. Sudddenly, the words that Millie and Brooke spoke earlier filled my head. Their discussion was penetrating my mind, and I started to think of why Liam even liked me in the first place. I circled back to the question that I had earlier this morning: Why did he like me?

Then again, why did I like him? Was is it looks? Not really, although he had a warm smile and kind eyes. Was it his personality? But he was so quiet. What about his genuine kindness? I admit he was the sweetest guy that I have ever met, but why did that matter to me? Why did he matter to me?

That's when I realized that he never mattered to me. This whole time I wasn't really "into" him. I was just into the idea of being in relationship, having someone who cares for me, and not being alone. I never really liked Liam.

So a better question would be: What I did see in him?

This is what I thought of in that split of a second that he looked at me. The way he looked at me didn't seem kind or forgiving. It seemed distressed and tortured. That look was the answer to all my questions.

The truth was that I never really wanted to be with Liam, and now it's obvious that he didn't want to be with me either.

I must have spent awhile thinking about this because the bell rang, and I didn't even notice that the whole hour had just flown by. I tried to sneak out of the room without running into Liam, and I was almost out the door, when someone tapped my arm.

"Hey, Soph", an all-too-familiar voice spoke.

I hesitantly turned around to greet the face of the boy who hated me.

"We need to talk", he stated.

"Ok, let's talk", I responded.

"I think--", he tried to say.

"That we should just be mates?", I finished for him. "Yah, me too"", I agreed before he had a chance to answer.

"Wait, no---"

"Look. I'm sorry... about everything", I apologized before dashing out of the room and down the hall.

A feeling of relief waved through my body as I walked towards my locker. I think that we were better off this way.

We were better off this way.