Hollow (Harry Styles) #Wattys2016

Chapter 86

Songs:

Dreaming With a Broken Heart: John Mayer

Jealous: Labrinth (Harry's breakdown)

These Four Walls: Little Mix

Heartbeat: Beyonce (A.J.'s breakdown)

Talking To The Moon: Bruno Mars

Coldest Winter: Kanye West

Chasing Cars: Snow Patrol

Harry's POV

I woke up to the sunlight hitting my face, mentally kicking myself for not closing them before I went to bed last night. I groaned lightly, turning over to my side to see, Katarina's scrunched up body in the same spot it's been in for the past five days. Monday and Tuesday, she stayed almost perfectly still, her body barely moving, except to breathe and occasional use the bathroom. By Wednesday, I had got her to eat a piece of toast and a bowl of fruit, which she threw up from the sudden impact of food finally entering her system. Yesterday I had turned on the TV, hoping to get some sort of reaction from her, but their was nothing, just silence and me having to watch her stare out the massive window. I had called, Olivia to let her know she wasn't going to be available for an undisclosed amount of time, so she would have to cancel all appointments and engagements until further notice. The only thing she wasn't able to get her out of was a damn meeting with a production team, I think. Thankfully, only one of us had to be there and it was going to have to be me, at least I would have, Gemma there. I knew I wasn't going to be able to pay much attention to anything they would say.

Today was Friday, what would have been, week nineteen, making it mango week. But, that was only a cruel reminder that she was no longer pregnant. There was no more, Sloane, nothing left to look forward to every Friday morning, or every day for that matter. Aside from being with, Katarina, talking to the swollen bump on her tummy was the best part of my day.

The dull ache in my chest returned at full force, literally feeling like somebody had hit me with a fucking sledgehammer. The air in my lungs left and I felt my heart tightening in a way that wasn't normal. I quickly turned back, flat on the mattress, inhaling deeply and quietly, so I wouldn't disturb, Katarina. As soon as I was calm enough, an image of a little baby girl in her arms filled my mind. I tried to push it away, but it was persistent.

All I could think of was all the things I had dreamed about since the moment I found out I was going to be a father. I was even excited about changing dirty diapers. If I was feeling this hollow and empty, I couldn't imagine how, Katarina was feeling. I wanted to cradle her small body in my arms and protect her, let her know everything was going to be okay, but she wasn't even there. It was her body, but her eyes were not the same, they had become dull and lifeless, and I knew if I did hold her, I would be the one to break down, not her. And knowing her, she would probably snap out of it and try to make me feel better, even if she was dying inside. I couldn't do that to her.

I quickly rolled out of bed, propping my elbows on my knees and my face in my palms. A gesture that had become a habit in the past few days. It was the only thing I could do from keeping myself from crying. I didn't want to cry, I couldn't, not yet. I had to be stronger, for Katarina. 

With that little pep talk, I slowly dragged myself out of bed, grabbing my phone to check the time. It was only seven, I had four hours until my meeting. I sent a quick text to, Olivia, asking her to prepare anything I needed for the damn meeting before walking out of the room.

I had every intention of making breakfast and trying to get, Katarina to eat, again, but, like every day, I was met with the nursery door as I walked out of our bedroom. It just taunted me, mocking me and the pain I was feeling, reminding me of everything I almost had.