Drugs, Hugs and Love

Chapter 11: Ayato

My eyes were overflowing with tears, Kaneki hugging me tight, both of us sitting on my bed. My secret, the one I hid from everyone, Kaneki now knows. Just when I was falling for him. Crap...

We sat like that for a while, him sometimes muttering to me, his arms holding me tight against his chest. I thought he would hate me, throw me away, tell Touka, tell the police, but he didn't... why?
"Kaneki... I'm sorry...so sorry. I..I didn't mean to start... I didn't. It is just so addictive, it makes me happy..." I whispered, cowering in his arms.
"I forgive you..." He whispered in my ear, my sobs almost drowning me.
"When...why?"
"Because I love you..." My eyes shot open, tears staining my cheeks, my stare focusing on his face. I reached up, my hand going behind his head, pulling him down. I rested my lips on his, my tears slowing as I kissed him. He relaxed and kissed me back, more passionately then me. I let him push me back onto the bed, my weaknesses only showing for him. He is the only person who makes me feel safe, trusted or needed, even if he is being slightly rough...

I was lucky that Touka was still at Hide's, otherwise I would still be in pain from her beating. Is she ever finds out about it... I'll be in for it. She would send me to a mental institution for being addicted and self harm. Kaneki didn't know about that... yet.

Wondering to the kitchen, I was stopped by Kaneki, a blooded razor in his hand. I opened my mouth to speak, but he opened his other hand, showing even more razors, all covered in fresh or old blood, all of it belonging to me.
"When were you thinking of telling me about this, Ayato?" He asked, my name almost hissed.
"..." I stayed silent, sweat building up on my forehead. He walked over to the bin and threw them all away, twisting around seeing me race forward, holding my body back as I tried to retrieve them.
"Let go you bastard!" I yelled, kicking and thrashing, falling to the floor and slamming my face down. I shouted out in pain, cursing at Kaneki. He tugged my sleeves up my arms, holding them behind me. Cuts littered my arms, some scars, some scabs. I stopped wriggling and just cried, bawling my eyes out. His once tight grip loosened, his arms slipping around my chest.

I was being carried to my room, bridle style. A soft kiss was placed on my head, my legs being wrapped around his waist. I glared at Kaneki, hatred burning in my eyes. He stared back, but he was calm and worried. I raised my hand, going to slap him, but his facial expression stopped me, the fear, worry, wide eyed being burnt into my mind. The raised hand curled up into a fist and fell to my side, tears dripping onto the bed covers.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." I repeated over and over, leaning onto Kaneki's chest. He knew this was going to be a difficult relationship. I felt his arms pull me closer to him, pulling me into a hug. I began sobbing uncontrollably, his top getting wet.

"...Don't leave me Kaneki..."
..
...
....
"I won't."