Chasing Sunsets

Chapter 30:

♪♪ If I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?

One month na na halos araw-araw naglalagay ng note si Nikos sa front door ko, o kaya naman sa table ko sa Lyric. Pag nasa Manila sya, sa text nya sinasabi. It just feels warm.

Simple things lang naman ang sinusulat nya like song lyrics, quotations, or short messages pero sobrang sincere nya.

Lahat ng notes nya iniipon ko sa isang glittery jar. People would say it's too childish or hopeless romantic-ish but I don't care. He's the first person to such sweet things to me. So it's not bad to be sentimental.

♪♪ Smoke alarm went off at nine
I woke up, wiped the sleep out of my eyes
She left a note "I'll be back in 5"
Well, I'm still waiting for that moment to arrive, hey
I was told to put my job in front of you
But it won't hold me like you do ♪♪

May narinig akong tumutugtog sa may front door. It only means one thing—Nikos is here! Hindi kasi marunong mag-doorbell o kumatok ng maayos yung lalaking yun. Pag bibisita sya sa 'kin lagi nyang dala yung gitara nya at kumakanta sya, which is really sweet of him.

♪♪ But I do it for the love
Waiting on the gold rush
Keep it on the edge
Smoking on a roll up
When I see my friends
All they say is hold up
and remember the time.♪♪

Binuksan ko ang pinto at ngumiti sya at napatigil sa pagtugtog nang makita ako.

"Magandang hapon, Mr. Caprielle." Bati ko sa kanya.

"Magandang hapon, kamahalan." He said playfully. "I brought you something."

Ibinaba nya ang gitara nya at ipinakita sa'kin ang dala nyang box ng mocha cake.

"Sinusuhulan mo na naman ako!" I joked. Pinapasok ko sya sa loob ng bahay. "Gusto mo lang ulit kumain ng dinner dito e."

"Am I too obvious?" He gagged.

We watched Divergent after eating dinner. We went to the balcony when the movie ended. Lights were off and we were on the couch. The stars were watching above us.

"Kung ikaw ang papipiliin sa mga factions, anong pipiliin mo?" Tanong nya. His silhouette is moving closer.

"I'd choose dauntless. Not that I'm fearless enough for that, but I want to be."

"Dauntless is for brave people." He said. I looked at him. "Fearlessness is different from bravery. Well, they're synonyms in the dictionary but they are two different things." He held my hand.

"But I want to be fearless. I don't wanna have fears anymore."

He moved closer and wrapped me in his arms.

"You should learn to be brave, not fearless, because fearlessness is just showing no fear, bravery is facing challenges, fears, and whatever with courage." He said then he started playing with my hair.

"It's alright to have fears, my dear, it's good to have fears sometimes, it brings wisdom, the important thing is bravery." He said then he leaned in to kiss the top of my head.

I remained silent, feeling his every word.

Tama sya. You can't have no fears at all. Lahat tayo may takot. Kahit gaano tayo katatag, may mga bagay parin na kayang magpahina ng loob natin. Bravery is the cure. Bravery is all we need.

"I know you're afraid to get hurt again. I have fears, too. Don't worry, I will never hurt you." He kissed my hand.

I was left speechless. My heart is racing and there's a different feeling in my chest.

"Have you read the trilogy?" Tanong nya.

"Oo naman. It's one of my favorites." I said. "They defined true love."

"Exactly. Selflessness, true love, and bravery." He said.

Nikos is brave. He's brave enough to forgive his father. He's brave enough to leave the other side of his life behind to find his happiness. He's brave enough to do things for a better life. He's brave enough to handle someone like me. He's brave enough to want to be somebody in my life.

Then I realized that somehow, I am brave too. I'm brave enough to stand up for myself and to runaway from home to be a better person. I am brave. But not brave enough because if I'd been brave enough, I wouldn't have ran away in the first place. I would have faced my demons hand in hand.

"Nikos, I wish I could be brave enough like you."

"Serenity." He kissed my hand under the stars once again.

He looked at me in the eye for what it seems like forever.

Then he whispered, "I wish I could define true love with you."

And at that very moment, another fear crept up on me.

I am afraid to hurt him. What if I can't love him enough? Like how Dustin loved me? He loved me but not enough kaya iniwan nya 'ko. I don't wanna be like Dustin. Ayokong gawin kay Nikos yun. He doesn't deserve it. And what if I can't love him truly at all? What if I'm just feeling all of these emotions out of loneliness?

Everything happened so fast. But I know I feel something more than friendly love for him. He feels the same way for me. But I'm not sure if I can handle this. What if I screw up?

I'm a ticking time bomb. Anytime I could just explode into something I don't know. I'm still figuring out what I wanna do in the future. I'm still lost. Meeting Nikos is a great help. I'm gradually healing day by day. I'm putting the puzzle pieces together.

Hindi ko alam kung anong meron kami ngayon. But when I fall in love with him, I want to make sure that I'm at my best. That's what he deserves. I wanna be the best I can be for the best person I've ever met.

"Nikos, I don't want to sound rude but I'm not feeling very well. Can you go home?" I said.

As soon as he's gone, I cried. I cried of my frustrations, my demons that whispers in the shadows. My demons won over my sanity tonight.

Stupid, Serenity. You're stupid.