Chasing Sunsets

Chapter 41:

♪♪ Do you ever wonder if the stars shine out for you? Float down like autumn leaves. And hush now, close your eyes before you sleep...

I walked through the tiled hallway of white walls.

I hate hospitals. I hate going to hospitals, to be accurate. The smell always makes me dizzy.

Now, I can't hate it anymore because it's saving my father's life, in a way.

He was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer two months after I left. No wonder why they stopped looking for me.

I just felt so bad. I hated him. I was lost in my own paradise while he was here fighting for his life.

He collapsed and was rushed to the hospital last week. They all thought that would be his last day. Nung gumising sya, sinabi nya sa kanila na hindi sya pwedeng mawala habang hindi pa ako bumabalik.

I looked at him, full of regrets. He was lying on his bed. His eyes were closed. Hindi ko na sya makilala, he lost a lot of weight.

"Dad." I told him, holding his hand. "I'm so sorry, daddy."

I was crying really hard when his hand moved.

"Serene." Nakangiti nyang sabi. "Kailan ka pa dumating?"

"I missed you, dad. I'm so sorry." Bulong ko sa kanya. I could barely speak.

"Wag ka nang umiyak. It's okay, Serene. Don't feel bad. I understand you."

It's too bad I can't talk to him that much. Bawal kasi syang mastress. Sensitive pa ang kalagayan nya ngayon.

Nagpakwento sya sa akin ng kung anuano. Binantayan ko sya hanggang sa makatulog sya ulit. Lumabas ako ng kwarto at nakita sa labas si Kuya.

"Kuya Luke." Tawag ko sa kanya. Lumapit sya sakin at niyakap ako. "Kuya, sorry."

"Shh. Stop crying."

"Ang laki ng kasalanan ko sa inyo. Pero tinanggap nyo parin ako. That's why I can't stop feeling sorry." He just comforted me while I cry. "It's okay, Serene."

"Ang totoo nyan, matagal na nyang alam kung nasan ka pero hindi nya sinasabi sa amin. Hayaan daw namin na magkusa kang bumalik dahil babalik ka rin naman daw." Sabi nya pagkatapos ng ilang minutong katahimikan.

"Akala ko kaya nya ako pinapahanap dahil gusto nya akong pauwiin." Hindi ako makapaniwala sa sinabi nya.

"No, gusto nya lang masigurado kung safe ka. Kung gusto ka nyang pauwiin edi sana ni-freeze nya lahat ng bank accounts mo 'di ba?" Sagot nya. I just nodded.

"Naiintindihan ka na nya. Kaya ka nya hinayaan, gusto nya na maging masaya ka. At naging masaya ka naman dun diba?" Kinuha nya angbphone nya at may ipinakita sa akin. "Look at these pictures."

"Oh my God." They were stolen pictures of me. Merong nasa beach, merong habang nagtuturo ako, merong nasa garden ako ng bahay at merong kasama ko si Nikos at mga kaibigan nya nung birthday ko.

"He was very happy to see you growing up into a very independent woman. Akala daw nya magiging masaya ka in the way he raised us pero first time ka daw nyang makitang genuinely happy ay dun sa mga picture na dinadala nung investigator nya every once in a while.

"I wish I went home sooner." Malungkot na sabi ko sa kanya.

"It's okay, Serene. Bakit hindi mo nga pala kasama si Nikos?" Tanong nya.

"Bakit mo kilala si Nikos?"

"Nakilala ko sya sa pictures. Schoolmate ko sya nung college. Akala ko nga isasama ka nya sa art exhibit ni Jon kaya pumunta ako pero wala ka." Sagot nya.

"Oh. I just thought this isn't the right time. What a small world, kuya. Kaibigan mo pala si Jon." Tumango sya bilang sagot.

"Kung tutuusin, madali lang kitang mahahanap. I could know where you are in just minutes. Kilala ko yung mga taong lagi mong kasama. Pero hindi ko na sinubukan dahil alam kong mas magiging mabuti ka dun, in a way."

"Wag ka nang malungkot, okay? Everything's gonna be alright. Daddy will be alright. Ang mahalaga, nandito ka na." Sabi nya habang ginugulo ang buhok ko. "By the way, nice choice, he's a good guy. I never liked Dustin for you anyway, he can't even accept pag natatalo ko sya sa basketball. He's very egoistic."

"I know, Kuya." I answered, laughing lightly. I started feeling better.