Chasing Sunsets

Chapter 47:

♪♪ Maybe it's me and my blind optimism to blame. Maybe it's you and your sick need to give love then take it away...

I froze and everything in me just exploded when I saw a familiar pair of eyes looking straight at me.

Tumigil ang oras. Wala akong maramdaman kundi ang puso kong pabigat ng pabigat. Hindi ko alam kung dahil sa sakit o dahil sa tuwa. Hindi ko alam dahil nitong mga nakaraang taon parang parehas lang naman ang pakiramdam nila.

I was surprised to see the love of my life for the first time in four years. His glorious hair is now longer and he has obvious stubbles, too. He was holding a denim jacket just like he always did. He's still as beautiful as before.

Right at that moment I wanted to cry. My heart was feeling different emotions. Bumagal ang tibok nito ngunit mayamaya'y bumilis na. Bumilis nang bumilis na parang hindi na sila magpapang-abot ng aking paghinga.

Tumayo ako. Gusto ko syang lapitan pero hindi ko maigalaw ang binti ko.

I had a sudden urge to run to him, to kiss and embrace him. But I was petrified by his stare. It was blank. He didn't even seem to be surprised to see me. His eyes left me and he started walking away.

Did I wait for four years for this? No. I need to talk to him.

I finally got the strength to move. Naglakad ako ng mabilis papunta sa kanya. Halos makalimutan ko na na may kasama ako. Pero wala akong pakialam. Iniwan ko si Samuel na nakaupo sa curb. Naramdaman ko naman na napatayo sya nung magsimula akong maglakad.

"Nikos!" Tawag ko sa kanya.

Lumingon sya at tumingin sa akin na parang wala lang. Na parang hindi sya nagulat na nakabalik na pala ako. Na parang hindi namin minahal ang isa't isa. Na parang hindi nya ako iniwan sa ere.

"How... have you been?" Yan lang ang mga salitang lumabas sa bibig ko. I was overwhelmed by his presence.

"Why are you here?" He ignored my question.

"I... I played with Elle." My eyes never left his kahit masakit na wala akong nakitang kahit anong emosyon dun. I'm still wondering why.

"Oh. Did you enjoy it?" He asked casually.

"Yeah. Of course." The words came out almost like a whisper. I was trying so hard not to cry.

"Good. Welcome back. Excuse me pero, mauna na ako. Us talking is not a good idea." Dumiretso na sya sa paglakad. My tears automatically came out. Paano nya nagagawa 'to?

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganun sya, as if ako yung nang-iwan. Bakit parang galit sya? Dapat ako ang galit 'di ba dahil ako yung iniwan nya sa ere. Pero bakit iba yung nangyayari ngayon?

"Nikos!" Muli kong tawag sa kanya pero hindi man lang sya tumigil o lumingon. "Nikos talk to me!"

"Just go home, Serene." Narinig kong sabi nya habang patuloy pa rin syang naglalakad papasok sa bar.

"What's happening to you?!" I asked loudly, just loud enough to be a scream. He stopped walking and he faced me. "Just tell me, what the hell is happening?! I don't get it, Nikos."

"Mahirap bang intindihin na ayaw kitang makausap?" His words pierced straight to my heart.

"Wow ha. Iniwan mo lang naman ako sa ere. Bawal ba akong humingi ng dahilan?!"

He ran his fingers through his hair in frustration.

"Speak, Nikos! Ano bang nangyari sayo?!"

"You happened to me!" He said with a voice so sharp it could almost kill me. "This is all because of you so please leave me alone. I don't wanna see you again."

"Why?! Ang labo mo naman e! Ang tagal kong hinintay na makita ka tapos ito lang yung makukuha ko?!"

"I never asked you to wait, Serene. It's been years. Just fucking move on."

"Damn it, Nikos! You made a promise. You fucking made a promise that we're gonna get married when I come back and now you're asking me to move on! Mabuti kung nagpaalam ka man lang ng maayos diba?! What did I ever do to deserve this?!"

"When you left, it's the same moon, it's the same stars, but you're not with me and suddenly everything's different, Serene." He replied, as if ako talaga yung nang-iwan.

"I never left you! I left the country. I have a reason. Akala ko naiintindihan mo?!" I asked. Tears flowed as if they have their own mind.

He just looked at me. I tried to look for myself in his eyes but I wasn't there. There wasn't even any trace of me.

He started walking again at hindi ko na sya pinigilan. Wala na akong lakas para pigilan sya. Maraming salita ang gusto ko pang isigaw sa kanya pero wala na akong lakas para magsalita pa.

I cried more. Ngayon ko binuhos lahat ng inipon kong sama ng loob. I never really cried this hard kahit nung nawala sya. May pag-asa pa kasi sa puso ko noon na may ibibigay sya sa aking dahilan kung bakit sya nawala. Pero ngayong nakausap ko sya hindi man lang ako mabigyan ng konkretong rason kung bakit nya ako iniwan.

Pakiramdam ko tuloy napakatanga ko. Nag-intay ba ako ng ilang taon para sa wala? Hinanap ko ba sya para mapanood lang ang sarili kong takasan nya ulit? Pero ang mas kinaiinis ko sa sarili ko ay yung sa kabila ng lahat, nangingibabaw pa rin ay yung pagmamahal ko sa kanya.

I felt someone put a hand on my shoulders in a comforting manner.

"I'm sorry you had to see that." I told him, wiping my tears.

"Boyfriend mo?" Tanong nya.

"I don't know!" I covered my face with my palms. I don't know. We didn't break up. He just disappeared.

"Sorry, that was insensitive." Mahinang sabi nya. Hindi ako makapagsalita.

"Are you okay?" Tanong nya. I couldn't answer. All that comes out of my mouth are just sobs. "Why am I even asking? You're not okay."

"You don't deserve being treated that way. He's a jerk." Hinawakan nya ang braso ko at nagsimulang maglakad pabalik sa parking lot. "Halika. Ihahatid na kita. Tatawagan ko na lang si Elle mamaya."