Random One Shots

Wade Wilson/Deadpool

Wade Wilson/Deadpool x Reader: You Married A Guy Named Francis?

A/N: Thanks to Alchemypriestess (Quotev ) for requesting a Deadpool fic. I watched the movie last night so I can't promise that I've captured the personality perfectly, and this one may be a little stupid (AFTER FINISHING I REALIZE IT'S SUPER DUMB BUT OH WELL), but it made me laugh so I'm rolling with it. I hope you all like it. Another one may be on the way later.

Also, I realize I think I often have swearing in my work. I don't exactly put warnings in chapters for that, but I realize that some language is offensive for some people. Would you guys want me to start putting small warning for language? If so, this one definitely has language; it's Deadpool for Christ's sake.

(Y/N) = Your Name.

Disclaimer: I do now own Deadpool (I wish) or any of the Marvel Franchise.

It was already an off day. It was grey and raining, the musky damp scent seeping into your nostrils and the cold seeping through your clothing. You had forgotten an umbrella when you were on your way to get some groceries, and when you were halfway back from the shop it had begun raining cats and dogs.

Typical.

So you ran home as quickly as possible, praying to whatever god was out there that you didn't break the eggs in your bag or cause anything to spill.

Then, when you finally got home, you realized that you left your keys inside of your small house. That means that you had to spend another few minutes outside in the pouring rain locating the key hidden underneath one of the flower pots outside of your home and shakily slipping it into the lock without dropping any groceries into the large puddle at your feet.

Wonderful day so far, huh?

Well don't you worry readers, because it gets stranger.

Because once you had gotten inside and peeled the drenched jacket from your body and kicked off your sodden boots you were greeted with a knife being held against your throat. Now, I'm not sure how many of us can say they've experienced this, but a natural bodily response to that scenario is tensing up and freezing. That's what you did, and it made you drop the bags of groceries that you picked up to carry to the kitchen.

A cracking noise sounded through the room, and you grimaced.

Fucking hell, this person made you drop the eggs.

"What the fuck-" you started, but the blade was pressed deeper into your neck, just barely piercing the skin.

"Where is Francis?" a man's voice growled, and you felt sweat begin to build.

"Listen buddy," you tried, but were choked off again.

"Where is Francis?!" he persisted.

"I don't know!" you snapped frantically. "Please, I haven't seen the man in years! I left him when I found out what he was doing. Just calm down and I can try to explain whatever it is that you want to know...Please."

You heard the man take in a breath and sigh, before lowering the blade and taking a step back.

Relieved, you took in a few gulps of air and shook off your nerves before reaching down and picking up the dropped groceries.

"You broke the eggs, dickwad," you muttered, walking into the kitchen.

"Well you know, gorgeous, I'm finding it a little hard to be sympathetic to the crazed scientist who helped with human experimentation."

You set down the bags with a huff. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"I think I do, (Y/N)," he said cockily.

"I think you don't, Mr..." turning to face him for the first time, you were greeted with...a man in red spandex?

"Pool. Dead. Call me Deadpool," he cocked his head and narrowed his...apparently white eyes.

"Well then, Mr. Deadpool, you should know that I haven't dealt with Francis in years, as I said before..." you paused for a minute before turning around and wandering to your living room. "I left him the minute I found out what he was doing with my research."

"The serum to turn people into mutants; you researched it?" he questioned, following you.

"Well, helped," you shrugged. "Purely theoretical. But my husband....he lost control. Started gathering poor people off the streets, people dying, and began experimenting on him." You turned to face the intruder. "I'm sorry. If you're looking for him I can only imagine what he put you through..."

"Let's just say he made a sexy face look a little less sexy," the movement behind the mask made it appear as though he rolled his eyes.

You chuckled lightly and sat down, motioning for him to sit across from you. "Somehow I feel like my psycho husband wasn't fond of your tongue."

"Oh he was all over it actually; thought it was my best feature," Deadpool said sarcastically, before pausing. "Hang on..."

You waited for him to talk, but when it remained silent you grew a little concerned. "Yes?"

"You married a guy named Francis?"

You paused at the utter confusion in his voice, before cracking up.

"Coming from the dork in a red body condom!"

The intruder across from you started laughing, shaking his head. "You know I came here to kill you, right?"

"But you aren't going too," you shrugged nonchalantly, smiling.

"No? And why's that, buttercup?"

"First off, you would've done it already," you held up a finger. "Two, you're obviously reluctant to kill someone with such a perfect, flawless, vibrant personality such as myself," he chuckled as you raised up a second finger. "And third..." you raised the third finger and wriggled it around a bit, "you're looking for someone who can fix that pretty face of yours, aren't you Mr. Wade Wilson? And you know that I could be that person."

"I mean, this person with a flawless personality married a guy named Francis...hang on..." a comical look of shock fell over the intruder's face...mask...thing. "How do you know who I am?"

"You weren't the only one experimented on, Wade," you shrugged and taped on your temple. "Telepath. After vast amounts of torture that is."

He relaxed a bit. "I'm sorry."

You smirked. "Well, what doesn't kill you, etcetera, etcetera..."

"True that, girl," he jokingly replied, causing you to smile. "So then, Mrs. Francis, you think you can fix me?"

"You know what, it was a dark time in my life, shut up about the whole marrying Francis thing," you shot at him, smiling. "And I think I can look into it, if you'll allow me that is."

"I'd be thrilled, hotness," he stood up, extending his hand to seal the deal. "And tell ya what, when I look like my old self you can be the first one to admire all of the sexy Deadpool."

"Oh, I'd be thrilled, hotness," you laughed and mimicked him, shaking his hand. "Stop around next week, Wade, and I'll let you know if I have anything. And in the meantime..."

"...Yes?" he questioned, narrowing his eyes slightly.

"Go find Francis, and kill him for me?"

He nodded, going to walk out. Before he left however, he laughed.

"You married a guy named Francis."

"Wade!"

"I'm leaving!'

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