avery → h.s

thirty four

I'm going back to the same sad, dreaded building.

Hospital.

This time, with the same anxiety and panic arise from my body, I have to run like a madwoman yet again, 'cause it seems that the boy who had just confessed his secrets and feelings to me did something that I knew was bound to happen.

It's as if my heart's ready to jump out of my chest. First my best friend, now the guy who's unbearably annoying but even then.. he stayed with me when I was low. And also cheer me up for that matter. Not to mention we kissed. Not once, at that. We kissed a lot of times and my stupid brain still denying the fact that I should've loved him. Not anyone else. Not Harry.

God, tell me the reason why does it has to be this way. Why I just can't bring myself to love this guy as easy as I fell in love with Harry. I can't look at him without Harry's face came flashing by. I can't feel the exhilarating adrenaline rush that I felt when I kissed Harry. It's unfair how things works; and it's also unfair when life doesn't work how you want it to be.

My forehead leans against the hospital room's door, seemingly done with everything. My best friend, or maybe more than that, is having surgery on the other side of the door. He's fighting to live, though I know he did this on purpose. I know it, yet I still refuse to believe that. He got into a crash with a huge truck when he was passing the intersection. He was speeding and the truck came from the right and the next thing I know I'm here. The nurse told me the situation, and that his family should be contacted immediately. He had internal and external bleeding over his stomach, broken legs, broken ribs, his head hit the steering wheel so bad it's bad enough until it bleeds nonstop. It's crystal clear that his condition is more than terrible.

The first thing I did is to call Harry. I'm talking in calm demeanor and he automatically knows that something happened, especially when I told him to come to the hospital. His voice sounds tired and raspy, it's clear that he had been putting sleep out of his priorities. I don't want to meet him after our encounters last night and it was hard enough for me to storm off like that.

However, Nate needs his family.

He came fifteen minutes after, black shirt and tight jeans on his figure, hair tousled, and eyebags evident. Harry was running; like I did not long ago.

"Har-"

"Avery," he says, holding my shoulders abruptly. "Before you say anything, please hear me out. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean any of this to happen. This is so wrong. Not being with you is so wrong. The reason I ignored you last night was because Clara was standing on the doorway. I don't want her to hear a thing Avery, she's in a very delicate state."

My body feels weak as he said those words. There are determinations in his green eyes, as vivid as the eyes of the dreamers. I almost fall for it, but he need to know that I'm not one to be hurt easily.

So I stare at him.

"Please.. please say something," Harry's voice breaks. "I love you Avery. I never loved Clara. I love you and it will always be that way."

I return him a small smile. He looks bewildered and out of place; he doesn't know what to do.

"Why are you smilling? Avery god damn it, tell me you love me and say we can work this out! We can runaway and leave reality behind!" He's shaking my shoulders frantically, nostrils flared, jaw clenched, and eyes close to tears. He rest his forehead on mine and closes his eyes as he does so.

"That's the thing Harry," I take his hands off my shoulders gently. His hands seek for mine again when I drop them. He was beyond surprised. He couldn't mask the shock that was evident on his feature. "You can't leave from reality. It's either you fight; or you fail."