Charming Hearts

Chapter 9: If You Don't Know

Song: If You Don't Know by 5 Seconds of Summer (It's slowed down because of youtube and I tried looking for the original, didn't work out well lol.)

-Liv-

When I got to Dawson's, I got out of my car and picked my dress up so it wouldn't drag on the ground. I marched up to his front door and found the hidden key under the mat. It was late and I wasn't about to ring the doorbell or knock on the door. Jack and Juliet would kick my ass.

I shut the door quietly and started up the stairs. Ignoring the fact that I had heels on, I actually made it up as fast as possible without falling down them all. Dawson's door was closed, but I opened it without knocking and angrily shut it behind me. He shot up from his desk chair faster than I thought he could move. "I don't understand you," I grounded.

"There's nothing to understand," he replied smoothly.

My eyes burned and I clenched my jaw. "Why were you there?"

He didn't say anything.

We stood a few feet apart and I was too angry to close to distance. "Why do you even care if I'm with Ezra? You're the one that told me—"

"I know what I told you," he interrupted. "I was there...I was there because—shit, Liv! You know why the hell I was there, why are you asking?"

"Because I want to hear you say it," I answered. "Say it, Dawson."

"What?" He shouted and stepped closer to me. "You want me to say that I was jealous? That I should've taken you to that stupid dance instead? That I can't stop thinking about that night and just thinking about it is torture? Is that what you want to hear, Liv?"

"It's not stupid," I mumbled.

He laughed harshly. "Is that seriously all you got out of that?"

"Why didn't you just tell me? We talked about this!"

"No shit!" He roughly ran a hand through his hair. "We said we wouldn't talk about it. That's what we agreed on."

"It's clearly not working or else we wouldn't be fighting right now."

"You think I don't know that?"

My eyes stung and I was on the verge of crying because I was angry. I knew I couldn't have been the only one thinking about that night all those months ago. It was there for both of us except I wanted to do something about it. "You think it was really a mistake?"

"Yes," he answered without hesitation.

The first tear fell without warning and I quickly swiped it away. "I want to be mad about that, but I can't."

"You can be mad," he said softly. "You have every right to be mad."

"No I don't," I said. "It was my idea. It was something we agreed not to talk about. It was something that should've never happened...but it did and now I don't think we can cross over it. For our friendship, yes, it was a mistake."

"Then you understand."

I shook my head. "Not really, because...I've always felt something with you. I wanted it to be you, Dawson. I'll always want it to be you." My heart clenched and my chest ached. "It's too late."

"No—"

I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I know this is exactly what we didn't want to happen, but being around you is suffocating."