Charming Hearts

Chapter 12: Talk Me Down

Song: TALK ME DOWN by Troye Sivan (Who is too precious for this world)

-Dawson-

I lay in my bed, pathetically staring at the empty space beside me.

My sleeping pattern never got any better, if anything, it got worse. The sound of rain hitting the roof kept my nerves on edge and I started to wonder what Liv was doing. I wondered if she had trouble sleeping or if she ever thought about me. Probably not, and part of me hoped she really didn't.

I flipped on my other side and pulled a pillow over my head. It was an attempt to block out the noise, but I couldn't. It seemed louder the harder I pressed in on the pillow. My eyes burned from lack of sleep and I was getting more irritated by the second. My chest pinched and I struggled to take a deep breath. When I managed, the small ache behind my heart seized slightly.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss her. It's been over a month since she told me she was done with me and two weeks since I let her walk out. Telling her I didn't know how I felt that night felt like a betrayal to myself. Why did I do that? I don't know. I should've told her that I felt all of it, with her, I feel everything. It's overwhelming and I ran away like I always do. I ran away from my feelings for Liv because I'm scared.

I'm not protecting Liv.

I'm not protecting myself.

I'm hurting Liv and I'm hurting myself. How the hell is that protecting when you're hurting anyway?

Having an apartment to myself sounded like a good idea, but actually living in it was kind of terrifying. I didn't have my dad to go to while he's sitting in his office or my mom while she's reading in bed. I'm almost nineteen, it was time to grow up. I can't rely on my parents forever. It's time to start somewhere.

There were three loud knocks on my door that made me jump. I lay in my bed, my heart beating too fast against my chest. They sounded again and I got out of bed slowly. Before I walked to the door, I grabbed one of the knives laying out on the kitchen counter. Still have some unpacking to do. Thanks, Mom.

I tucked the knife behind my back and slowly walked to the front door. I'm not in a bad building, but when someone knocks like they're the police, I think I have every right to be worried. Even though if it was the police, I don't think I'd stab them. That would land me in a totally different situation.

I unlocked the bolt and wrapped my hand around the cool knob. Quickly, I swung it open and squeezed the knife handle. But it was Liv, drenched with wide blue eyes. "Did you plan on stabbing me?" She asked, pointing to my side. "That would've been messy."

"I didn't know who you were," I noted. "You could've been a pirate."

"A pirate? What the hell have you been reading before bed?"

"There's nothing wrong with pirates."

Liv shrugged. "Never said there was something wrong with pirates."

"What are you doing here? And how did you even know where I lived?"

"Your dad told me the building and he let me borrow his pass."

"That answers one question," I said and leaned against the doorframe. "Now what are you doing here at three in the morning?"

She pushed the hair from her face and sighed. "I couldn't sleep and I know you weren't sleeping either."