Charming Hearts

Chapter 15: Where You Should Be

-Liv-

I didn't want to talk to Ezra in a public place, and definitely didn't want to talk to him during school. I'm an asshole, but I'm not that big of an asshole. Or through text. That's probably as low as you can get.

While my parents were gone, I invited Ezra over. My heart was in my stomach and it felt like my throat was going to swell shut. I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to break Ezra's heart and I didn't want to hurt him. But it felt wrong. Knowing how I feel about Dawson...it just wasn't fair to Ezra when my heart just wasn't fully with him. We never made anything official, but I couldn't help but feel the way I did.

After spending the day with Dawson, my feelings for him only grew. I wanted to ignore them, but look at where that got me. I'm not going to run to Dawson after I talk to Ezra. I'm going to take time and figure things out in my head, figure out what I want even though I already know what I want. I know I'm just feeling sorry for myself, but I need to put my feelings first sometimes. I need to take care of myself before I can think about ever getting into a relationship. There are things that need to be fixed and I'm going to work on it.

The doorbell rang and I jumped up to answer it. I shouldn't have been so eager.

I opened the door and invited Ezra inside. He looked worried.

We walked through the hallway and into the living room.

Ezra sat on one side and I sat beside him, but kept a small distance. "Are you okay?" He asked. "You weren't at school."

I nodded. "I'm as good as I can be right now." Nervously, I nibbled on my bottom lip.

"You said you wanted to talk," he said. "But is it weird that I already know what you're going to say?"

I blinked and my eyes widened a bit. "I'm sorry—"

"Why are you sorry?" His expression hardened. It was new because Ezra always had a soft expression.

I shook my head. "I never wanted any of this to happen. I wish things were easier and I hope you find someone who will give you the attention you deserve, Ezra."

He turned his head away from me and used his palms to rub his face. "I know we'll stay friends, that's not the problem. The problem is that you lied to me."

"I never lied to you—"

"At homecoming," he interrupted and looked at me. "After I came back from the bathroom, we talked. I asked you if you felt anything for him and you told me no. How do you think that makes me feel?" There was no anger in his words, but hurt was evident. "I was serious—"

I wanted to reach out and console him, but that wouldn't be helping anything. "I know and I was too. But please hear me out. I'm not doing this so I can be with someone else. I'm doing this so I don't hurt you anymore than I already have. It's not fair to you, Ezra. Why would you want to be with me?"

"What kind of question is that? What do you mean why would I want to be with you?"

"Knowing how I feel..." I trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.

Ezra's hard expression melted away. "Because I know you felt something for me too."

My heart tugged. "I'm lucky you gave me a chance."

"I'm mad and I don't know why," he said softly. "It's how you feel. Feelings can't be forced...they grow. I shouldn't be mad about how you feel."