Poem #89// Confuse

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There's a war in my head.
I'm fighting over nothing,
But at the same time everything.

Sometimes I don't know why,
But no matter how hard I try,
It doesn't go away.
It only gets worse.

It's the fear of falling apart.
I want to take the risk,
But I don't want to be broken in the end.

Sometimes I don't know why,
But no matter how hard I try,
I find the confidence.
It slips away.

It's finding the right thing to say.
I want to say what's on my mind,
But I'm scared that they won't accept me.

Sometimes I don't know why,
But no matter how hard I try,
I start to speak my mind.
I regret it after.

It's getting comfortable with myself.
I want to be myself,
But that doesn't get you anywhere anymore.

Sometimes I wonder why,
But no matter how hard I try,
I get the confidence.
I have insecurities.

I can't make up my mind.
One minute I'm this,
But the next minute I'm that.

Sometimes I wonder why,
But no matter how hard I try,
I confuse myself.
I always make it worse.
~a.k.

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I literally have no idea what is going on with me. I am so bipolar lately and it's weird because I haven't been like this in a long, long time. One minute I am laughing and enjoying myself (or my family if I'm around them). Then the next minute I am irritable, sick of my family, and second guessing myself. I don't know what it is and it's scaring me. I've been okay for so long and now this is starting to happen more and more and I just don't know what to do. Like how do you stop a war with yourself if you don't even know what it is you want? I think that could be part of the problem, but I'm not sure. How do you become sure?

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