Chasing Broken Dreams ~A Death Note Fanfic~

Chasing Broken Dreams /*Chapter 17*\

Even though the flames were heated, I still shivered. The metal slowly melted away as the fire grew larger. Light wrapped a blanket around my upper body and pulled me to my feet. For some reason, I felt like resisting, but I couldn't find any strength, so I let him bring me up. A sad sigh escaped his lips as he gave me a sympathetic look.

"I'm sorry Ai. Kira must be trying to rid the world of anyone who stands in his way." He whispered gently. You're only saying that because there's cops around Light. I shook my head numbly and began to walk away. I had to see someone anyway. Light kept crying out my name, trying to get me to turn back, but I just kept walking. Eventually, his voice whithered away into silence along with every other noise.

~OoO~

I leaned against a cool gravestone and stared at the one in front of me. "No one believes you're dead.." I whispered to no one. "But for some reason, I can't seem to believe it either." For another time in my life, I felt like crying. This was all Light's fault. No. It was that stupid Death Note! If neither of us had found one, I wouldn't be in so much pain. The Kira case wouldn't exist. And L and Mello would still be alive!

Before I knew it, I was leaning over L's grave, tears in my eyes. They didn't fall, but they blurred my vision. A familiar pang of pain shot through my chest and I cried out.

I haven't prayed in a long time. Not since my mother died. But, it was all I could do. I clasped my hands together and began a prayer. I didn't believe in God because of all the bad things that kept on happening. I kept praying. Nothing changed. So I gave up all my beliefs.

Now, i'm kneeling in front of my best friend's grave, praying for someone to hear me. It felt like my only choice. "Please.... someone. Anyone. I want all this to end. I want everyone to be able to rest in peace. Please, just let this end." I sobbed to the ground. In all honesty, I didn't even know who I was praying to. Just anyone that would hear me. Someone that would listen.

I had stopped after an hour of praying and crying. I knew it wouldn't work. My prayers wouldn't be heard, but somewhere deep inside of me, I wanted to believe that someone heard me. They would do something, and L's death wouldn't be in vain. Neither would my brother's. I just wish I could believe. I just wish.

Light eventually found me, yelling at my father's grave. Cursing him out for the things he put me through. I guess sadness and guilt washes away into anger, doesn't it?

He brought me back to the place where we were currently investigating the Kira case and set me down on the couch. "Ai, are you alright? You're acting kinda strange.." He muttered. I glared at him. "I'm just peachy! My best friend and brother were just killed and the public doesn't even know! I'm losing my mind, and I should probably either be in the asylum or see a shrink! I'M JUST FINE!!"

I didn't mean to blow up at Light, but just asking that question made me lose it. He looked taken aback at my outburst and gave me another sympathetic look. I hate that look.

"Sorry. I probably shouldn't ask you that." No, really?

 I just shook my head and looked at my hands. I really had no clue what to say here. Should I apologize? Say it's OK? I didn't know..

Light placed a hand firmly on my shoulder and tilted my head up to look at him. "Don't worry. This will be over soon. I promise." Oh, Light. You don't know how right you are.

Right now, I was overwhelmed with fear, hatred, and guilt. I felt like bursting into tears and burying my head into light's chest. But, I won't show weakness. Not now anyway. It's just too risky. And that's why i'm going to end it.

~OoO~

"Karasu." I whispered. He looked up at me. "Hn?" 

"I want you to take the Death Note away from me, just for now." He gave me a confused look. "What do you mean?" I sighed and leaned against the wall. "I have an idea of what's going to happen in a few weeks from now. So, I don't want  to blow my cover if I mess up. I'm returning the Death Note to you, just for now so I can continue with my plan." I stopped for a second to see if he was going to say anything. He didn't. I continued. "If everything goes smoothly, I want you to give me back my memories within a 2 week period. If any big event happens with Light or Near, return my memories to me."

He shrugged and nodded. "Sure, seems fine. But what happens if something goes wrong?" I thought about it for a minute. "Then, don't give me back my memories I guess.."

I held out my Death Note to him. "I guess this is goodbye, Aisuru." Karasu mumbled, reaching for it. I smiled at him. "Not a goodbye, just a see you later." He smiled back and took it from me.

"I guess so."