Trying to Belong

Chapter 18

Alarm bells blared in Amethyst's head. She felt sick and her heart felt like it racing - she could feel it all over her. In her wrists, in the back of her head at her neck, in her ears and in her chest.

It was like the world was crashing down around her. Kylo let the doctor's push him back as he stared on, watching them work. It was like watching a horror movie, the need to not be there and not watching was strong but of course looking away just wasn't a feasible option and of course it wasn't a horror film. It was worse than that. It was real and it was their child that was dying. If he died, Amethyst didn't know what she would do. Neither did Kylo. He prayed to any and all gods that would listen to help them. To help Anakin. Just to keep him alive.

A moment passed that felt like hours and then Anakin was stable. Amethyst turned her head and began to sob into Kylo's shirt. He held her and rested his chin on her head, a deep sigh of relief escaping him.

*

Rey waited outside the hospital, sitting on a bench out in the rain. She should have taken a jacket but what could she do? Her shirt was drenched through to the point it was see through and only her arms covered it that she hugged herself with as she tried to keep warm. Her phone had probably suffered heavy water damage. She was so worried and until she knew that her friend and her friend's children were going to be alright, she wasn't leaving the bench for anything. There was no way for her to get home anyway even if she wanted to.

But then she saw something in the corner of her eye that made her look around. That girl from the amusement park was standing with a guy who looked like he just got stitched on his head. The girl who pushed Amethyst down. Rey's eyes went dark, her jaw clenched and her blood began to boil. That was the bitch that did it. Rey got up out of her bench and stormed towards her. No hesitation - she just went walked right up and decked the girl.

"Hey what the hell do you think you're doing?" the guy the girl had been talking to asked.

"Unless you want more stitches.... get out of my sigh!" Rey warned him and he stepped back. Rey pulled up the girl from the ground and pinned her against the nearest wall. "You put my friend in the hospital. She went into premature labour because of you!"

"Me?" the girl asked, grimacing.

"BECAUSE OF YOU!" Rey yelled at her.

"Let me go!"

"Oh like this?" Rey asked, grabbing her and throwing her on the ground. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't hurt you!"

"Because you'll get arrested." a voice said, the owner of it putting his arms around her to pull her away.

"Let me go!" Rey cried out. "Let me go!"

"Calm down. Calm down." the voice said, soothingly. She felt herself pulled away from the girl. "it's okay. It's okay."

Rey pulled herself away from his grasp. "it's not okay! I have to go back out there. i'm not allowed in here."

She felt a jacket wrap itself around her. "Rey you're going to get ill!"

"I don't care." she shouted so loudly people began to stare. "Jacob! I don't care! That bitch out there..."

"Calm down. Calm down."

"I don't have time for you and your supercomputer crap!" she said.

Jacob sighed "I am not here about the laptop. I heard your friend was in hospital and I got worried about you. I came here to see you. To help you and maybe help your friend but mostly to help you. I... you've became this beautiful independent young woman and I've not been able to stop thinking about you..."

He stopped speaking and kissed her but she pushed him away. This never what she wanted.

"I don't believe this." Rey laughed cynically. "I can't do this right now and you know what Jacob even if I believed you had any capacity of being serious with someone I'd never... I don't want a relationship and I don't want a quickie or whatever it is you're after. Do you understand me?"

"I wasn't saying that I wanted anything back from you. I just said that I care about you enough to be here for you if you need me. I'll go if you want me to." he said calmly. "i'm not trying to get into your pants."

"Good because... because that's not what I want. The laptop is under the floorboards underneath my bed. Please go. Get it. I can't deal with you right now Jacob. Friendship or whatever... I can't do this."

"You shouldn't be here alone." Jacob said quietly and touched her cheek.

"She isn't." a voice said suddenly and Rey turned around to see Luke. He walked up and put an arm around her. "You can go now Jacob." Luke said as Rey cried into her dad's shoulder.

"Keep the jacket." Jacob told her softly. "Mr Skywalker." He gave a nod to Luke and left.

"Leia called me. When you didn't turn up..."

"That bitch is still out there..."

"The girl with the bloody nose.... Of course it was you. Rey what if she presses charges?" Luke asked worried. His daughter, ending up arrested again wasn't a good thought.

"Dead people can't press charges." Rey said through gritted teeth. It scared Luke to see her that angry. "She's going to die."

"Just calm down." Luke said firmly and made her sit down. "Count to five."

"That doesn't work! That is a stupid technique! Stupid!"

"Do it." Luke told her, stroking her shoulder. Rey obliged to get him off of her back and when she took a deep breath in and counted to five she began to sob even more.

Luke sighed and let her cry on his shoulder once more. "We'll just wait here okay? You don't have to be alone."

"It's all my fault." Rey said quietly. "I was supposed to keep her safe and I failed."

Luke sighed heavily. Was there any point arguing with Rey? She'd already made up her mind. Rey clutched his jacket tight, closing her eyes and wishing she knew what was going on, wishing that she could help Amethyst the way Amethyst had always helped her. She'd destroyed Amethyst's whole world because of her own clumsiness.

'This is why I shouldn't be around people.' Rey thought to herself.

Of course thinking that made her sobs louder. Luke held her tighter and stroked her wet hair. "Shh." he tried to comfort her. "Shh."

That wasn't enough to make Rey stop thinking about the pain she was causing and had caused everyone.