Trying to Belong

Chapter 22

Graduation day was upon them. Rey was in her room at the house, trying to think how best to wear her hair when Amethyst came in carrying Anakin. "Can we talk? You were closed up in your room all day yesterday."

"I was busy." Rey replied.

"You.... know you can talk to me right about anything."

Rey smiled at her. "Yes of course I can. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. It was just... when you get drunk you get a little crazy. You go hyper and not in a good way. You're like that person who goes crazy to vent out their inner feelings."

"Well... I don't have any inner feelings. I'm fine. I'm going to med school. At Harvard. outer feelings and inner feelings are both in agreement that I'm happy about that. I'm going to learn how to drive. I'm going to go to the zoo with my dad. I'm feeling very clever actually and accomplished."

"Rey! You cried all night when you came home drunk. When you weren't snoring!"

"My room is miles away from yours... were you checking up on me?"

"Yes....no....yes." Amethyst replied. "And Sapphire couldn't sleep that night either."

"I'm fine. I went crazy because of some vodka shots. It's all fine now. I'm not going to do that."

"You're going to Harvard! On your own with no friends. There's going to be alcohol there! Who's going to look after you when you can't control yourself."

"I can control myself. I'm not an alcoholic."

"Not yet."

"How do you think I should wear my hair? Down? Up? Somewhere in between?"

"Wear it like you always do. Continue your life, like you're always going to do it. With routine and auto-piloting." Amethyst replied dryly and left the room.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Rey went after her.

"It means... you're never going to evolve."

"What have I done?" Rey asked.

"You're stuck...in your orphan mindset. The world is great Rey. You have a family! You don't have to be scared anymore! You don't have to get drunk for an excuse to cry or vent your problems! You can talk to us! And you have your dad especially! You don't have to be alone again! And stop putting yourself into dangerous situations without thinking. You're approaching 18 in June. Be a little bit more.... Responsible."

Rey swallowed.

"You've been longing for this your whole life. Family... you don't have to keep longing for it Rey. We all love you. And I know you love us."

Rey sighed. "I'm sorry if I gave you the impression I was...wasn't aware of how amazing you or anyone else is."

"I didn't think that." Amethyst replied. "Do your hair up in that style you usually do it. Put on some makeup though. Wearing that black jumpsuit you have. It'll go with the cape. And stay away from any alcohol that might be going around." Amethyst warned her.

"Yes mum!" Amethyst heard Rey say as they both made their way in the opposite direction.

*

"Do I have to go to up on the stage?" Rey asked as Luke showed Rey to her seat. It was annoying because the way the seating had been done, meant everyone could collect their graduation certificate in alphabetic order which meant she was away from Amethyst.

"Yes." he told her.

"It's silly. I don't want to go up. I look stupid." Rey said and sighed.

"Mara. It's two minutes at the most. Not even a minute."

"You just called me Mara." Rey smiled. "I found... "

"Rey." Leia smiled and walked up to her, putting to hands on her shoulders. "Oh look at you. Now go sit down. And don't mess with my seating arrangement okay?"

Luke watched as Leia led her away to it. He sighed.

*

Amethyst collected her certificate first. Leia took the most photos, more than Kylo did which Kylo found odd from the standpoint he had been the one who tutored her the most and should have been the most proud but then again it was his mother. She loved her photos and Leia and Amethyst were a lot closer and once Leia had you as part of the family you were there for life.

When Amethyst got off the stage she stood and waited beside Finn and Poe for Rey to get her's. Kylo left the side of his mother and joined Amethyst's side. Rey was really awkward which was no surprise. She looked scared the whole time and looked around. She let out a huge sigh of relief when it was over and waited for the whole thing to be over to go find her dad again. Chris Walker was the last one to go up and collect his graduation certificate.

"Hey hey hey....I won't take up your time." he took a microphone. "But I just want to talk about what a year it's been. Mostly studying and studying and studying. Because I was always going to go to Yale. Yale was it for me. Whole family are riding on it. Of course I'm absolutely poor."

"Where is this going?" Amethyst asked.

"Sob story. It's going to be a sob story." Finn said.

"Relying on the scholarship aren't I? And I got it. I got it and you know what happened... my papers got sent to everyone's favourite cat video presenter. He finds one question that didn't deserve one mark. He couldn't just let it go."

"You should get off the stage now." Hux told Walker, which only caused him to get knocked over. Chris drew a gun.

"Well fuck you Skywalker!"

"No! No! NO!" Rey tried to run but it went off before she could. She ran to her dad after that. She couldn't stop it. The gun. "No No no no. No. No. Please don't die. please don't die."


Kylo shielded Amethyst, and Poe and Finn covered each other.

"You....did so well." he touched her cheek.

"You get out of the way now." Walker said, approaching Rey.

She turned around, her eyes glistening with the tears. She turned back to Luke. "I love you dad. You aren't allowed to die."

She turned back to Walker.

"Get out of the way!" he said as Rey took out her cell. 911. "Put that down!"

"You're just going to have to shoot me." Rey replied. "Hello can I have an ambulance please for the academy. At umm umm...' She eventually remembered her location and let out a deep breath. "My dad's been shot by some psycho."

Rey dropped the phone after that. "Get out of the way!" he shouted as Rey knelt to put pressure on the wound.

Walker went to grab her but she turned around and hit him and she didn't stop. The gun was knocked out of his hand. "You son of a bitch!" Rey shouted. Kicking, punching him. She only stopped when Han pulled her away. Kylo was now over at the gun, picking it up with a jacket.

*

The surgeons were having a hard time getting Luke stable. Then out of nowhere it happened. It wasn't unexpected but it was dreaded. It was that noise everyone universally recognised as the flat-line, the sound that instilled fear into patients and relatives and adrenaline in to physicians. If Rey could see and hear it, she'd die herself.

*

Rey was sobbing in the waiting room, her body shaking. This wasn't how things were supposed to be. She knew her happiness was all too good to be true. The doctor came back and told them the news. Rey cried even more, Amethyst held her as she sobbed into her dress, blood dried on her hands and underneath her fingernails.

Screw Harvard. After what happened to her father she didn't think she could look at any patients coming in without thinking of him.

At that moment in time, Rey just didn't think she could ever bring herself to feel cheerful or happy, or hopeful again.