Gabriel (Book 1)

Always...

October 10th, 2010

Forever.

Forever is an awfully long time,

I have thought about it, and I realized that I-It's impossible to live without Johanna for that long. And It's horrible to keep killing people purely based on the fact that they're my dinner and they just so happen to look like my dead love! Im a horrible person. Ugh! I can't even call myself a person! Im more of a monster...or a devil...or an evil, soulless creep!

I know one thing will always be true: I will Always Love Johanna.

I just went to meet with Jane. It was cloudy out, and Aro gave Jane some money (not that it's hard to get money from Aro. He doesn't even listen to whole conversations. One word and he just shoves money into your face....Faine is just doing a great job.).

Back to the story, Jane took me out for "lunch", or, as I like to call it, A Make-out Session. Things started out fine enough, but (as usual) I screwed things up:

We were kissing, like always, when Jane stops and says, "'What the hell is wrong with you?'"

"'I haven't the slightest idea what you mean.'" I wasn't into it.

"'You aren't yourself. I don't care, but if you want to tell me what is wrong, then perhaps we can get back to our life?'"

"'Im just dealing with some stuff now, is all. Janie, what does one do when they are a monster and have no reason to live?'" I really was curious!

"'A monster?'" She whispered so quietly I almost couldn't hear her, "' What the-?'" In a flash she was all the way across the field we were in.

"'A freaking monster? What the hell is wrong with you?'" She starts screaming at me.

"'Nothing.'" I tried lying.

"'Don't give me that lying crap! You used to be a God! Do you remember that Gabriel? Where is that Gabriel?!? The God of the world?!?'"

"'Im lost-'"

"'I don't give a damn! We're vampires. Gods! We don't get lost, and if we do, then we pretend that nothing has happened and keep going on to rule the world!'"

"'Jane-'"

"'No! Im tired of all the people in my life disappointing me!'" She screamed with fury, "'First my parents, then Alec, then the Masters, then the Guards! And now....'" She calmed down again, "'You.'" She was silent as the dead (no pun intended) for a while.

I stood up.

"'I thought you were 'the one'. But of course not. You have disappointed me, Gavril. You aren't any better than the rest of them. I thought you were the God to my Goddess! I thought we could rule the world together! To cause pain and suffering! But I was wrong.... And now, I might as well still be with Tristan! Or worse...a human.'" She sent that oh-too-familiar wave of pain my way and I fell to the ground. Jane ran away and didn't stop until she was locked in her room in Volterra.

I know she is right. She's always right. I have become so weak...and so unsure of myself. Why does love destroy ones being?

Another thing is true: Jane will always be right.

Another Truth: I will always have feelings for Jane.

The Last truth: I will always feel bad for taking part in destroying Jane.

Im off to her room to give her one last night of happiness. Tomorrow I will help destroy Jane forever. For this one night, I will be the God Jane thought I was.

-Gabriel

PS-I told Faine I might want to live with them after I travel looking for Kali first.